I lied to myself again

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Wow, I hate me I cannot believe I lied to myself again. A couple of months ago I made a new years resolution to learn to socialize and all that jazz. Well it is time to break that one. I lied to myself thinking my original philosophy was wrong. Now I just do not want to move or do anything. I can barely get up to write this thread. So I am breaking that new years resolution

    Why do I keep lying to myself? Why did I buy into the lies I was fed? I need to just quit listening to the world. It if was meant to be then it will be. That is the way the world works. I just wrote it all off as bad luck, all those years I was sought out and bullied. All those years I spent alone, that was nature telling me. Yes You are a mistake get used to always being alone. I just have to accept it as the truth. Just because I cannot see something does not mean it is not there.

    I want to apologize to all of you guys who I helped over the months. Spewing that nonsense about how you can change if you try. I realize that if you get your hopes up you will just be crushed in the end. It is not your fault that nature chose to hate you. And there is nothing you can do to fight it. Fighting it would be a huge waste of energy.

    Once again I am sorry for lying to some of you. And I feel like shit for lying to myself and believing all that hope bullshit I was fed over the years.
  2. zombieinc

    zombieinc Member

    Hey man. What happened? Things seemed to be going pretty well for you. Im not going to say anything that will give you false hope. But I know how hard change can be. Maybe because it forces us to face are fears, to see the side of ourselves that we hate. It can be overwhelming, and set backs will happen. If you think being more sociable will bring you a sense of purpose and happiness, I would hate to see you give that up.

    I once saw a shirt that said "Once I gave up all hope, I became alot happier" It made me laugh because I could relate to it. Sometimes I think that hope implies that if I do all this stuff now, maybe just maybe my future might be more bareable. I just started to focus on the now, and what can I do right now that will make me feel at peace. Sorry if this preachy, and hopefully it helps a little. Although I doubt it. I hope you feel better. Remember, I am your friend, and I will hang out with you anytime you want. Your definately not alone. PM me if you want to talk.
  3. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    I disagree. I think you're absolutely right that things can get better and change if you work at it. I think you're incredibly brave to have tried to get better and to do things outside of your comfort zone, that takes guts. And to try and help others, too is fantastic. Don't think I don't know where you're coming from, I do understand to a degree the loss, the feeling of failure, despair, utter loneliness, that you somehow just don't fit into this world, that it was all for nothing. But how can it have been? Ask yourself, did you feel better these last few months? Did it seem all for nothing at the time? Please try not to give up all hope based on a setback. I believe things can and will get better for you. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm pretty sure its natural to feel like this from time to time, disillusioned, hopeless...but you do not fail until you stop trying.

    The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. ~Nelson Mandela.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me. :smile: (Don't worry, I don't have many more weird motivational speeches :tongue: )
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am not sure anymore, thanks for the encouragement though.
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'll have to disagree as well, but I totally understand why your feeling this way. The habit you are trying to break is a very VERY very VERY hard one, you have not been social for most of your life and so trying to build it up now after all the years of not being social, of course it will be very hard and you will undoubtedly face a lot of falling down. And unfortunately, you will want to give up and will get frustrated. And of course its much easier to say "just keep persevering" than to actually do it.

    It is awesome that you are working on fixing it though, unlike me, you are fed up and want to make a change and thats great. But it certainly will be a pretty hard journey. It seems that social skills are best learned at an early age and so those like you and me who were unsocial as children and want to learn it now as young adults and beyong will have a very hard time.

    I hope you don't beat yourself up over this, it'll be easy to but please don't, its not your fault if you break a promise or even a hundred to socialize a certain day or whatever, your right now facing very hard trials and you have a lot of courage already just to stand up and have a desire to surpass it, I hope you can just keep holding onto that, keep holding on. For you to have broken this promise to yourself is PERFECTLY understandable. Everyone and anyone in your position, would DO THE EXACT SAME THING, Its NOT a personal fault of yours, its not you thats the problem, its the immensely hard situation your trying to conquer.

    You are going through something not many will go through since most "normal" people socialize "normally" at an early age. Its like now you wanting to learn to be potty trained when you've used daipers all your life (pretty crappy analogy I know). Socialization is something best early early and so you will have trouble but best of luck!
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2007
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the encouragement. I am putting the promise on hold for now.