Its late and i'm prob not thinking all that clearly now, but still i have something on my mind that i would really like to get others opinion on, so here it goes.. Whenever i read through some of the post here, i always find theres a lot of ppl (and bless their souls for they have good harts) that tries to motivate others, try and persuade them that they really do have something to live for. It almost always comes down to the fact its the depression thats effecting their thought process and they should hang on, cause they really do have so much to live for. That got my thinking of the first time i considered taking my own live and everything that has happened since. It was a good couple of years ago while i was still at school. I hated everything about my life. I mean really dreaded every *** damn minute of it. Honestly i had no purpose to live. But still, i couldn't do it. Somewhere inside there was a little bit of hope that kept saying "things might suck now, but its all just temporary and someday it will all get better". So a decade later lets tally the scores. Those exact same feelings of misery, despair, anger still haunts me every day and if anything its gotten worse. Most of the ppl i knew back then has moved on to life pretty successful lives. Married, couple kids, good jobs, the whole nine yards. Now i myself have none of the above. Compared to back then (when everybody else was smart, good at sports, popular, etc.), nothings changed. What then is the point of going on? Why hang around to live a meaningless, unfulfilled life? Now theres always the universal response to this, "no thats just the depression talking, hang in there things will turn around". WHEN, HOW, WHY? Why will everything all of the sudden magically start getting better. Just what exactly is going to be deferent tomorrow??? History tends to repeat itself right? And thats whats keeping me awake at this late hour. I honestly don't have a good answer to the above. I'm wondering if there even is one..?