I literally wish I was dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Mar 29, 2011.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I don't care if this notion is entirely unreasonable or not, for I can't escape it. But, everywhere I go, I have the sense I'm being laughed at, mocked, secretly ridiculed. I've been really socially isolated, except for work these past few years. Every time I go out somewhere that feels like an alien environment, a fragment of a conversation will throw me into some sort of despondent, emotional vortex.

    As an example, today I was in class and as soon as I entered a few of the students laughed (of course uproarious laughter seems to be all the rage with teenagers), and the students in my class seem to have the need for laugher every 5.4 milliseconds.

    Anyway, later on in that same class, I heard someone say, "I know it's wrong to laugh, but I couldn't help it." I couldn't concentrate the rest of the class because I felt like I was being mocked.

    No matter where I go, I have this intense anxiety spurred by the ever-present realization that I don't belong. How do I go about finding/correcting the things that are wrong with me. I have no idea, I'm blind to it all, I'm literally clueless as to how to improve, or if if it is even worth trying and I should simply give up? Any suggestions or insights?

    I just can't get over how utterly worthless/pointless my life is. There is no good reason for me to continue to exist, and even if there was it wouldn't shatter this depression. I literally wish I was dead, I can't take it anymore.

    Why the **** was I put on the earth? So people could make themselves feel better by comparing themselves to me. Real nice, God, real nice.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
    I hope you can talk to a councillor about how you feel get on some meds for your anxiety and depression I know life can suck at times but don't let people have that power okay You get and keep it get some help okay so you can start feeling better abt you
     
  3. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply. Meh, I just feel so damn worthless. A genetic mistake.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not though okay don't let anyone ever make you feel that way YOU do matter okay you are speciall i do hope you reach out and get some help YOU deserve help and peace and compassion so please reach out and get some okay h ugs:hugtackles:
     
  5. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I know you are just trying to help, but I think everyone is told they are "special." I just feel like a regular freak.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no not everyone is told that there are some that have never heard those words they have always had negative words thrown at them so they believe they are worthless In fact no one is worthless they are special they have something to give this world they just have not found it yet with care and compassion they can hugs to you
     
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