Hello. I made an anonymous account just to get this out of me. If you don't feel like hearing an idiot whine, press your back button and ignore it. The event that made my mind snap: I lost all my money at poker. A few days ago I had $2000. Now I have no money. While I don't consider myself a gambler, my worst fear in the world is living an average life with a miserable 9-5 earning little more than minimum wage Thus I play poker, but the luck element gives me mood swings like nothing else. Less than an hour ago I then hit rock bottom, with not a single $ left. Of course this means that my mood is at the same level as my bankroll. I'd be a son of a bitch if this was enough to get me down though. No worries, I have plenty of more shit going on. I'm in the last year of high school, or whatever you call it (note: I'm in a country I won't name). I find that I'm pretty intelligent and can understand pretty much anything. Noone else in my life thinks the same of me though. I get the worst grades in my class, and I'll probably fail this year. My parents hate everything I do, and every time I actually succeed at something, they tell me how surprised they are I didn't fail because that's what usually happens. When I'm optimistic about something, people make fun of my ideas and say I'm stupid. I guess I just proved them right and me wrong, by losing all my fucking money. Continuing on, I have no friends either. I mean, I have people I talk with on a daily basis, but they are not friends to me. I never talk to anyone outside my class, and they don't even know me very well. The only two good things in my life are cars and.. wait, I never even had a girlfriend so cars are really the only thing I find makes life worth living. And with no money, that's not a possibility by now either. It might sound like bullshit, but I live for the adrenaline rush I get when driving fast. Maybe I hope that if I crash I'd just die and get over with it. At least I'd die doing the only thing that's fucking keeping me alive in the first place. But I can't keep living like this. Getting rich, and I realize probably also lonely, is the only way I'll get over this mood. I will keep fighting for it, but I'll never get what you consider a real job. It's worse than death. Soon I will probably borrow all the money I can and either play myself back up. Or I'll lose every single cent I borrow and take it from there. Anything that I can do will be done to get me out of this mess, and money is the only thing that will satisfy me enough to live. Every person I've known has been an asshole to me, and if I succeed I will leave every single person in my life behind, never looking back. They can go royally fuck themselves. They'd probably still think I was a failure though. Fuck them. Maybe I am.