I lose at life

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nvm, Apr 25, 2010.

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  1. nvm

    nvm New Member

    Hello. I made an anonymous account just to get this out of me. If you don't feel like hearing an idiot whine, press your back button and ignore it.
    The event that made my mind snap: I lost all my money at poker. A few days ago I had $2000. Now I have no money. While I don't consider myself a gambler, my worst fear in the world is living an average life with a miserable 9-5 earning little more than minimum wage Thus I play poker, but the luck element gives me mood swings like nothing else. Less than an hour ago I then hit rock bottom, with not a single $ left. Of course this means that my mood is at the same level as my bankroll.

    I'd be a son of a bitch if this was enough to get me down though. No worries, I have plenty of more shit going on. I'm in the last year of high school, or whatever you call it (note: I'm in a country I won't name). I find that I'm pretty intelligent and can understand pretty much anything. Noone else in my life thinks the same of me though. I get the worst grades in my class, and I'll probably fail this year. My parents hate everything I do, and every time I actually succeed at something, they tell me how surprised they are I didn't fail because that's what usually happens. When I'm optimistic about something, people make fun of my ideas and say I'm stupid. I guess I just proved them right and me wrong, by losing all my fucking money.

    Continuing on, I have no friends either. I mean, I have people I talk with on a daily basis, but they are not friends to me. I never talk to anyone outside my class, and they don't even know me very well. The only two good things in my life are cars and.. wait, I never even had a girlfriend so cars are really the only thing I find makes life worth living. And with no money, that's not a possibility by now either. It might sound like bullshit, but I live for the adrenaline rush I get when driving fast. Maybe I hope that if I crash I'd just die and get over with it. At least I'd die doing the only thing that's fucking keeping me alive in the first place. But I can't keep living like this.

    Getting rich, and I realize probably also lonely, is the only way I'll get over this mood. I will keep fighting for it, but I'll never get what you consider a real job. It's worse than death. Soon I will probably borrow all the money I can and either play myself back up. Or I'll lose every single cent I borrow and take it from there. Anything that I can do will be done to get me out of this mess, and money is the only thing that will satisfy me enough to live. Every person I've known has been an asshole to me, and if I succeed I will leave every single person in my life behind, never looking back. They can go royally fuck themselves. They'd probably still think I was a failure though. Fuck them. Maybe I am.
  2. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    How does someone in high school gamble? Aren't you underage?

    It's pointless to be smart if you don't apply that to succeed in school and work. Take this from someone who didn't bother doing good in school, having good grades helps a lot in life. It makes everything easier; your parents stay off your back, you can get into college, you don't stress as much and doing good on tests can build your confidence and show people your aren't worthless.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    youre Not whining...it's called venting....
    I'm glad you have vented and reached out for help here...
    gettting a gambling habit isn't going to help......only cause more problems...if you think you already have a problem then maybe go to gamblers anonymous to sort it...
    since you love cars have you considered joining a car club where you can meet others with the same interest?.....even going to watch car racing???
    I hope you'll keeep tlking to us...
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