I am extremely lost in life. For the past 10 years I've been suffering with major depression, anxiety and a lot of different problems. I have been talking to a psychologist for 9 years twice a month a literally feel no changes for the better. I almost turned my life over 3 years ago when I found bodybuilding was something and only thing I really enjoyed. I worked out for 3 years following strict rules but had no gains. Recently I was diagnosed with klinefelter's and the 3 years where completely a waste of time for me as I was trying to get built and rid of my pear shaped body. As a child I was verbally and physically abused for 19 years. My father would beat me with his fists or throw me against walls and objects to let out his anger on a daily basis. Sometimes he would jump on top of me and just pummel my face. I was bullied in school. Highschool being the worst. I never finished college. Had a career ending injury in my job. My libido is extremely low. I was also molested by my dad's friend when I was 9 and I didn't enjoy it. My doctor recently put me on trt but something switched in me and I am starting to get attracted to guys. I was always straight and only had gfs but I do agree I have always hidden my attraction to a small number of guys There was times when friends called me out on it when I was clearly in love and I acted like they are retarded. I was raised that homosexuals are scum and not human. I never had any connection emotionally with some but with men I did. I am so confused. I feel like I have no character. I hate life, my family. I have no friends. I feel like I've been ruined and there is no way back. I am extremely shy, have very low self worth and self esteem. No confidence. I've attempted suicide in the past when I had problems with my career and injuries. I am thinking of ending it all. I would have done it long ago but I saw some paranormal shit in my room a couple years ago so my perspective on death has altered and actually scares me. Most nights I can't fall asleep because of that event. There's more things to this story but I don't feel like typing it all out. Everything in life I failed at. Everything I attempted I failed because either my body physically failed or my mental problems / Klinefelter got in the way. I have no interests, no love just pain.