My gf broke up with me on Sunday, I lost my job and my mother talks of kicking me out of the house. I feel so incredibly bad about myself for not being able to hold down a job or be in school right now, I want to go back to school in September but I don't know what will happened by then. I am feeling too crushed right now, I don't even blame it on the breakup. I've been feeling like this for years. I know now how much of a loser and a failure I am. I was never good at anything, I never did good academically, I never did good socially. The only thing I can say that makes me feel good knowing is that at least one person loved me in my life and she still does but we are not together right now. I am tired of feeling that everyone is better than me. I am tired of feeling that I never did anything good in my life. I never did good in school, I was never good at anything, no sports, no hobbies....nothing. I feel like I am a waste and I am tired of living in pain everyday, of feeling worthless, I can never be good at nothing, never be smart enough, strong enough, confident enough, secure enough, I am tired of everything, I am embarrassed, humiliated and scared of what might happen. I don't want to do this anymore, it's not even the loneliness that is affecting me badly right now, it's how I see myself, others, and the world, that is destroying me, it already has destroyed me. I don't want to be around anyone right now, I don't even feel like being seen or spoken to, I feel I am not worthy or good enough. I wish I could just go through with it and kill myself but I just don't know how, an effective way of doing it. It's not like I really want to die, but I am being pushed to. My mother wants nothing more than me to work and move out of the house, she even wants to tell me what to do when I am in the house, like not staying in my room. My mother said if I have to kill myself then thats what I'll have to do because she doesn't want to help me anymore. All she cares about is me working, not being in my room, and paying what I owe, she doesn't care about my mental health, she thinks I am using depression or severe anxiety has an excuse. So suicide is definitely a realistic option for me right now.