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I lost my brother this monday

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by DesperateSister, Jan 6, 2009.

  1. My brother killed himself this monday. :(
    He was in long depression, last atempt of suicide was 3 years ago,
    but he survived then. And now unfortunately he didn't.
    I don't know how to live with this pain in my hearth,
    with this guilt i feel..
    That i been better, more loving sister would this happen?

    I have so many questions inside me, like this pain is not enough!
    I know that i can not return time or bring him back,
    so my only hope is that he is on better place!
    I love him so much!!
    He was only 25 years old! :(
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry... if you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm so sorry that your brother killed himself. But please don't blame yourself for his death. I'm sure that you did all you could to help him and that you really loved him. Feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to. :hug:
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear about the sad loss of your brother.

    The emotions you're feeling just now is part of the grieving process & many people will experience this regardless of the circumstances.

    Saying that won't necessarily help how you are feeling at the moment though :hug:. Try not too blame yourself over your brother's death, it wasn't your fault hun, depression is a common illness & a lot of people suffer in silence. Your brother would have known how much you loved & cared for him.

    Try & focus on the good times & the happy memories that you & your brother shared.

    Take care xx
  5. Thank you all very much for support...
    At this tragedy i feel so alone and i needed someone to say what is in
    my hearth. Cause i feel so alone and like nobody understands or cares.
    It's very sad, that when tragedy's like this happens, you see that many people disappears and there is nobody to comfort you or give you a hug.
    So thank you very much, it means a lot to me for your nice words.

    This is a song for my brother, i heard it on a radio when i realized what happened. After the first few hours of shock.
    On this song i burst in to tears like never before..

    I Saved The World Today-EURYTHMICS

    Monday finds you like a bomb
    That's been left ticking there too long
    You're bleeding
    Some days there's nothing left to learn
    From the point of no return
    You're leaving

    Hey hey I saved the world today
    Everybody's happy now
    The bad things gone away
    And everybody's happy now
    The good thing's here to stay
    Please let it stay

    There's a million mouths to feed
    And I've got everything i need
    I'm breathing
    And there's a hurting thing inside
    But I've got everything to hide
    I'm grieving

    Hey hey I saved the world today
    Everybody's happy now
    The bad things gone away
    And everybody's happy now
    The good thing's here to stay
    Please let it stay

    Doo doo doo doo doo the good thing

    Hey hey I saved the world today
    Everybody's happy now
    The bad things gone away
    And everybody's happy now
    The good thing's here to stay
    Please let it stay

    Everybody's happy now
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i am sorry that you lost your brother. i lost mine dec 1, at 1:30 am.. he passed away from a heart attack... he was 48 years old.. please dont blame yourself.. i cant guarentee that i will be here after tonight but if i am you can send me a pm if you want to talk. i am white dove.
  7. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi Sister,

    I'm sorry that you're now grieving for your lost brother. It's time for him to leave, let him leave peacefully, no matter what his age is.

    There's nothing to worry about, nothing to be sorry about, for nothing is lost. He's awaiting you at the other side where endless love peace and serenity fills the void that he once lived in. You're brother is special, he's special to you, he's special to us. With kindest regard from my heart, be happy for your brother. What a lovely song it is.. be sad that he's gone, but be happy at the same time, for he wants you to be happy.

    Love from your brother,

  8. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry :( feel free to pm me, I'm here for you if ever you want to talk.
  9. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about your brother :hug:
  10. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    I lost my brother to suicide. The pain was and is unspeakable. It was 13 years ago but.........I dunno.................I loved and love him so much. I sensed it coming and despite my efforts..........no good............. I'm so sorry. I can only send you my love. Pm should you want to. I'm so sorry again.:sad:
  11. I'm very sorry about your brother..
    How did you deal with pain?
    I feel so lost.. Yesterday i was crying all day, today i'm a bit angry on everybody close to me.
    Cause how can they live like everything is normal?
    Then when i think about my brother, i say to my self; It was his decision to end his life and i will respect that.
    But on another hand of course i can't accept it just like that.
    So i'm so confused...
    I just don't want to move on with my life like nothing happened...
    Oh, i hope he rests in peace.
  12. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    It's very kind and understanding of you to respect his decision. Many people would have hurt in them, saying how can they do this to us, it's so selfish, so on and so forth. The truth is: it is even more selfish of you if you tried to keep him here, not knowing how much pain he'll be put through and handle, all because of someone else's wish of them staying here. What is meant to happen has happened, I'm happy that you're able to respect his understanding.

    Take your time to grieve for him, for there will come the time when you'll feel okay about everything again, knowing that your brother is okay and in peace. The most important is your peace and of your family's.

    I hope you'll be okay while grieving for him..

    Speaking from your brother's perspective: "you've been a loving and kind sister, thank you for everything, I am now in peace sister, much love"
  13. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure I've ever dealt with the pain to be honest. I can't imagine it ever being 'ok' as that's (for me) illogical.
    When it happened I was in shock and it stayed with me for a long time .........That was a good thing on reflection as the whole situation was too much for me to handle.

    I've never had or wanted counselling etc as I've never seen the point, you can't polish a turd after all. We're all different so perhaps it would help you to seek some? You'll know what's best for you I'm sure.

    Time passes, some wounds never heal completely but the anger and the fury aimed at others and myself have subsided to nought. Not through any purposeful thought process but just the slow realisation that it's futile and damaging. The grinding mash of realisation shock and overwhelming distress passed the same way. (Although at the time that seemed impossible). But it all took time.

    It's time that makes it easier, so sit tight, be nice to yourself and try and get cuddles off people who care for you.

    Your'e in my thoughts.......
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Im sorry for your loss :hug:
  15. AlexPeace

    AlexPeace Active Member

    I'm sorry for Ur loss,He was so young & yet was in such pain to end his life, I know how that feels,I lost my sister who was handicapped a year ago,she was in a Nursing home and got pneumonia,and died 3 days after Christmas,it was hard on my 2 brothers and myseld,she was only 47,yet she suffered alot physically & emotionaly,was also depressed & suicidal, I pray and hopre taht she is in a better place,perhaps Heaven..........Hugs to you and Hang in there Lots of Love
  16. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Sorry this happened to your brother. :hug: He would not want you to blame yourself im sure he loves you.
  17. It is very interesting when something like this happens
    you see who are your true friends (if you have them).
    But most of the time you can only lean on your self,
    cause in the end it's only you, and your feelings.
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    How have you been coping with your brother's suicide desperatesister? Are you finding it easier to deal with now? :hug:
  19. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    My deepest sympathies at the loss of your brother. Please know that in no way is his suicide your fault. You will probably never know exactly why he chose to end his life, but it was his decision. When someone is in as deep a depression as your brother was they see no other way out. There is nothing you could have done differently to change his mind. Grieve your loss as you need to do, but place no blame on yourself. :hug:
  20. Well, to be honest i don't know. At the moments i'm ok and then next i feel so
    sad and i want to cry, but there are no tears, just pain..
    U guess it's normal.
    This forum helped me, cause there are many people who are
    full of support, and that is so nice and helpful.
    I'm most of the time alone so it means a lot to me.