I lost my brother.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Joey's sister, Aug 27, 2010.

  1. Joey's sister

    Joey's sister Member

    Hello. I'm Kris and I lost my brother, Joey, 2 months ago. Joey and I were very close, and we understood eachother inside out. Joey was an amazing uncle to my four children and such a supportive, loving brother and friend to me and my youngest brother. There were three of us, and now there are two...and life is completely out of balance. I used to talk to my brother a few times a week on the phone, and see him about once a week. My husband works a lot and so my brother was always helping me out....cleaning my gutters, playing with the kiddos, coming to soccer games, even eating dinner with us to keep us from being lonely.
    I always knew that Joey had emotional issues. My whole family does. He was the "wild child" in our family. He was incredibly intelligent, and an amazing drummer. He loved to skateboard...even at 27 he would still go out with his best friend and skate. He loved animals...always had a way with them and he FINALLY looked like he was settled down. He had had a steady good job for 2 years, just moved in with his girlfriend and got a dog.
    When I found out from his boss that he hadn't come to work on Monday, I instinctively knew that my brother was gone. I flashed back to two months prior when he had confided to his boss, (my father in law) that he was having "mental problems"....I called him later that day and though I didn't tell him that I had heard what he said, I asked him how he was...how he was coping with life as of late...how living with his girlfriend was going...asked him if he wanted to really talk...told him I was always there for him.
    I feel so horribly guilty that he is gone. After Joey's death, other details that he kept private came to light. If only he would've reached out to me for help, things would have been OKAY! I know he feared my judgement, and it kills me to know that he must have thought I would'nt have supported him.
    Joey, here is to your life, sweet, amazing brother. You were such a funny, handsome, strong, successful man. Your humor was infectous and your zeal for life was too! I cannot believe that the man who zoomed across the playground, played on the swings and went down the slide with four crazy little boys just a few short months ago, is the same man who is now gone. I miss you incredibly, and my heart aches all the time. I forgive you completely, and you know I understand. I can't begin to contemplate living the rest of my earthly life without you in it.
    Thank you for loving me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for coming to me with your cares and concerns. Our relationship was so special and my heart will never be whole again without you in my life.
    I love you Joey.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss Kris. Joey sounds like he was an amazing person. :hug: :sad:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    oh i am glad you brother had such a loving sister for whom he knew he was loved I am sorry his mental illness took him away from you. i lost my bro to and know how difficult it is to go on. Just know he is looking down on you wanting you to be happy okay. Your brother would never want to know he caused you pain or sadness Maybe plant a tree in his name or do something else special he would like okay. He is stillthere very much with you in your memory in your heart take care i hope the pain lessens soon and only happiness inside remains of such a kind brother
  4. Bubble

    Bubble Well-Known Member

    I know how hard it is to lose somebody so close to you, my children are left without knowing their dad now thanks to suicide. It is very difficult to move forward, but possible none the less. Give yourself time and you will learn to accept that his passed but his still watching over you and your family :)
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Kris for your loss....
    I understand ...I lost my son to suicide....

    I'm glad you had a wonderful relationship with your brother which leaves you with so many happy memories as well...
    Sending you a huge *HUG*
  6. Joey's sister

    Joey's sister Member

    Thanks so much for your support:)