I lost my dad and

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by steph-trevors-daughter, Sep 13, 2007.

  1. I keep having thoughts about how he killed himself. By hanging. I have bad dreams and want to look up hanging on the internet am I sick.
    No counsellor has helped me. Has anyone else had this? I miss him. I play music to remember him. He was a musician.
  2. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hi and welcome s -t daughter

    i think under the circumstances what you r feeling is a normal thing.. it may be unhealthy if it is consuming you... but i think wanting to research how he died is your way of getting and or staying close to him... of course you miss him... dont feel badly because you want to connect with him.. i wonder if you could feel close to him if you take up as a hobby something he loved so you can feel close to him.. like fishing.. or playing an instrament .. getting together with some of his friends... hearing them tell stories about him can make you feel closer to him.. one thing i hope you know is that his choice to su did not mean he did not love you... he was suffering.. he did not find a answer to his suffering ... YOU CAN ... you can go on and in you ... he can also go on... hugs
  3. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. Grief comes in many different ways- but I would talk to some professional who knows how to deal with these things. Even like a favorite teacher or neighbor or someone.

    You can certainly get if off your chest here. Welcome to SF, s-t daughter.

    PM me if you ever feel the need to talk. I try to get here once a day, so you can expect an answer.

    :hug: Stay safe, I'll see you around.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you lost your dad hun ..

    you can pm me anytime..
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You're not sick. You just want to know what happened to your Daddy. I get it. My Dad died in a car accident and I am curious about it too. Nobody should have to go through this. But you came to the right place. Trust me when I say it gets better. You may never fully understand why or how it happened, but the pain lessens, and someday, you will wake up and think about him and smile or laugh thinking about your lives together instead of thinking about the hurt. The first few days/months are the worst. It DOES get better.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What you are feeling is not unnatural. The loss of a parent is a difficult thing. Loss by suicide is even more difficult. It stands to reason you would be interested in learning more about the way your father died. i do wish you would seek counseling to help you deal with the grief. There are many stages to the grieving process. Sometimes we need the extra help to see our way through it. i am sorry for your loss. I lost my father almost 2 years ago and I still miss him a great deal. The pain has changed though. It used to be all consuming. Now it is an ache that I know I will always carry with me, but I know things will be okay. :hug:
  7. Thanks everyone for the kind words. I have been seeing counsellors and even paid for an expensive psychologist but couldn't afford the amount of visits you need to benefit (more than 2 that's for sure). So I started seeing cheap counsellors but the one I saw last week didn't know what to say, she just kept looking at me and I have friends to "vent" to if I need to talk. Perhaps I should keep looking? And I have taken up music again. My Dad loved music and I have felt very "guided" back into it as I have been lost all year, losing my interest in my graphic design studies :blink: I am forming a band again at the moment and it is bringing me some happiness. That advice is good thank you, as all of it is.
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Music is a great way to reconnect with him on a certain level. I started listening to the Doors (one of my Dad's favorites) after he died and I still love them :) He was also in the army during Vietnam, so I tried to find out everything about his division. All of this is very healthy for you and normal, and it is very therapeutic IMO. If you're like me, you thought you would have forever with him, so now you feel like you never knew him as well as you wanted to. Taking interest in the things my Dad was into makes me feel closer to him, and it gives us something in common! I don't know if you're religious/spiritual at all, but I take comfort in knowing I will see him again, and in knowing he is guiding and protecting me from Heaven.
  9. Thanks :) When did you loose your dad? I do listen to a lot of what he listened to. I a spiritual and feel him with me.
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I lost him years ago, when I was 16. He died in a car accident. It's good that you feel a spiritual connection with him. Those feelings can really help get you through. Sometimes I find myself just talking to him like he's sitting right here :) What kind of music did your Dad like?
  11. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    awwww babes (L)
    ive had that sometimes.
    awwww just try and keep ur mind in distraction.
    thats good u play music so that would keep it of from getting visons.
    try even get a art book and get all ur thoughts on the papers.
  12. Thanks guys. He liked Bryan Adams and the eagles pink floyd. Stuff like that. I play it a lot and the lights flicker. :smile:
  13. Zebedee1210

    Zebedee1210 New Member

    My Dad was also a musician and I found his body after breaking into his house, 2 and a half weeks ago. He had taken an overdose, which was 30 times the lethal dosage of amytriptyline.
    I keep researching the drug on the net and suicide, and you are not sick..just trying to come to terms and make sense of it all. I think very highly creative people have a tendency to suicidal feelings and actions. I can't quite believe that it's happened-keep thinking he will call or has gone on holiday.

    If you ever want to talk to somebody that understands what you are going through, it would help me too.x