I lost my daughter

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by brokenheartedmom, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. My daughter and best friend just committed suicide Feb. 7, 2007. She was only 28. This was not her first attempt. But, her last one was over three years ago. She always left a note on her attempts, but this time there was none. Dhe was one of only two children I will ever have. Her and her brother are miracle children. They were not ever supposed to be here, as I was never supposed to be able to have them. I hurt so bad inside that I feel like I am going to explode! What am I going to do now without my baby!? So many unanswered questions! She had such a heart of gold always reaching out to help others!I just want to be able to put my arms around her again, to tell her one more time how much I love her! Never again, no more........OMG! This just doesn't seem real to me.........:sad:
  2. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the extent of your pain.

    It's hard when people go to find the answers for why they chose to leave this life. But it sounds like you had a great relationship with your daughter which makes me think that it's no reflection on you. She just must have been desperate.

    Maybe looking round the site will help you to find some of those answers you are searching for.

    I truly am sorry for the pain you are feeling.
    take care
    Lizzy. xx
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What can I say :sad: I have a son and if he did that.....well.
    Anytime you need to talk just send me a pm.
  4. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    I wish i had the words or power to make things better for you somehow. I can hear your pain, confusion, hurt.. i am so sorry for your loss and all that you are now going through. It's understandable that you have so many unanaswered questions.. it's a massive shock for you. Oh how I wish i could help somehow..

    Please do take very good care of yourself right now.. reach out to those who love you (that includes us here at suicideforum.com) and allow yourself time to grieve your loss. If you need a listening ear or supportive shoulder please do not hesitate to send me a PM or post here on the forum, anytime.

    Thinking of you
    Jenny xx
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Oh dear, I am so so sorry for you loss. It is very hard to lose people especially like that. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said. But I ant you to know you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to talk I am here for you hun, anytime at all. :hug: :hug: :hug:
  6. Thank-you all for your caring words. today is the day I put my daughter to rest (OMG! It'sreally true!). Nobody called me to tell me it was a case of mistaken identity (and lord how I had hoped that would happen!). I will be back to this forum to talk and offer my support to the best of my ability to those who need it, too. But, for now you will have to excuse me, I have to go prepare to let go of my daughter!
  7. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    You're in my thoughts on this day that must be the hardest for you.
  8. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    My thoughts are with you too.. a lot. I too wish you had received that phone call saying it was a case of mistaken identity.

    Please don't rush in to feeling you have to offer support to people here. Please, look after yourself right now. Use the forum for your own needs.. the rest can come later if and when you choose to.

  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    My thoughts and prayers go with you. Please find a support group for the grieving (we have Cruise here in the UK).
    The next few months are going to be full of sadness, regret, anger and outright misery; you will need all the support you can get.
  10. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Mom, please take care of your own needs before trying to tend to the needs of others. You must take care of yourself. A support group or counseling for your horrible grief, something to help YOU. We are here for you also, anytime you want to cry or scream about the unfairness of it all...

    love and hugs,:hug: :hug:

  11. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    we are here to help you as well. :hug:
    please take care
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There are no words to describe your sorrow, and yet, you are trying to give expression to them...what a brave person you are...of course, my deepest condolensces and plez contact me if I can be there for you...big hugs
  13. mookies mum

    mookies mum Member

    :sad: I lost my daughter and best friend two years ago and I cannot believe I will never see her again , my heart is broken and I feel so alone. I feel for you as I have some idea how you are feeling. My family and friends are good but they dont realize I am dying inside. Iam on the verge of tears most of the time but just keep fighting to keep going. Life is very hard I just wonder will I ever feel " normal" again. My daughter was 32 when she died, a beautiful, talented person who just found life too hard. I havent too many people I can talk to, as they all just want me to seem happy and move on. How can I ever move on when my baby is gone and my heart is broken.
  14. Macaw_Lover

    Macaw_Lover Member

    I'm wish there were words to say to ease your pain. Unfortunately I know 1st hand that there are no such words. Someone can say time heals all wounds, well it doesn't it just numbs them a bit. Will it get easier to maintain a normal life, yes but you will never forget this. Just try as best as possible to celebrate her life and the time you had with your daughter, no matter how short it sadly was. I would like to speak with you further, maybe via messanger. I might be able to offer some words of wisdom from a fellow Suicide Survivor. I want to leave you with this though.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm Free ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Don't grieve for me for now I'm free
    I'm following the path God laid for me.
    I took his hand when I heard him call
    I turned my back and left it all.

    I could not stay another day
    To laugh, to love, to work or play.
    Tasks left undone must stay that way
    I found that peace at close of day.

    If my parting has left a void,
    Then fill it with remembered joy.
    A friendship shared, a laugh a kiss,
    Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

    Be not burdened with times of sorrow
    I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
    My life's been full, I've savored much,
    Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

    Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
    Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
    Lift up your hearts and share with me
    God wanted me know: He set me free.


    This was written for when my Brother in Law fell to Suicide. I'm not a extremely religious person, but I have to believe that I will see him once again, someday. I find comfort in reading this sometimes I guess, because sure each time I read it and even 8 years later I cry. That's ok though because "Crying is the Souls Soap".

    Please PM if you would like to talk further. There is more I would like to say, however it's quite late and I must go to bed now. Good night and my thoughts are with you even though I don't know you I know, but I'm glad you found a place you are able to come to for potential support. When my brother in law died I just one day after his death went online talking to people. I guess it was easier telling strangers than my friends and I was told I was making it all up and I cried and typed "God I wish that were true". So anyways, I hope you find something for you here to help you through this what seems and almost is impossible situation that you were left to face.

    ~ Pam
  15. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you take solace in the fact that her act was an escape and not an act of vengence directed at those left behind. And while your daughter's life may be over, the love that you have for her can never end.

  16. mookies mum

    mookies mum Member

    There is nothing to say to a mum who has lost her daughter, nothing will ease the pain. I lost my daughter 2 years ago and my heart is broken I cannot control the tears and sadness that is with me always, like yourself my daughter was my friend and I miss her so much. I tell myself she is at peace and has left all her problems and worries behind and I hope she is watching over us all . Maybe in time we will cry less and remember all the happy times without feeling so sad.
    Some one told me once that people who have died are never gone until they are forgotten. I have thought of you many times when I'm having a really bad day, I hope you are ok, Be gentle with yourself.
  17. TheoDork

    TheoDork New Member

    The pain of losing a child is one which I pray nobody ever has to experience, so please do not think that I can imagine on any level what you're going through.

    The best thing I can do is tell you that your story has touched the hearts of people all around the world, and that I pray your pain is soothed. God bless you.
  18. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    As a mother, you might be able to give me some advice...
    I want to die, but without my mother knowing...
    I have been very distant from her for quite some time now.
    Her and my father broke up quite a long time ago...
    I am 18 years old now...
    I was living on my own at the age of 16+1 day.
    I went back home last year october... but i couldent become close to her.
    so i left again suddenly due to some debts that i had to settle in the city I was living in.
    But I guess she is used to not hearing from me...
    I have not contacted my father at all since 2006 august..
    I never had much contact with him anyway...


    take care...
    Don't be too sad...
    Whatever pain your daughter was in, she is resting peacefuly now...
    Also this is a chance to get close to your son.
    :) my mother will be in your shoes sooner or later... I just hope I can keep the news from reaching her ears... but she also had difficulty giving birth and had a historectomy at the age of 21. so she can't possibly have anymore children.
    So I guess she has taken the fact that myself and her are not close and became best friends with my little brother.

    :) take care,

    sora yori
  19. mookies mum

    mookies mum Member

    I am so sad to hear you lost your daughter, its the worse pain in the world.

    No parent ever thinks they will have to bury their child it doesnt bear thinking about.

    I lost my daughter to suicide 3 years ago this month and my heart still hurts from the sadness of it.

    I hope you have some good friends and family to talk to , it is good to talk even though some people dont want you to.

    Be kind to yourself and try to remember your daughter in happy times with a smile on her face.