I lost my lil brother to suicide just 4 months ago.....

it hurts like hell and i cant understand it all. He was a character and well known in our town.....150 people turned up to his funeral....He was in a bad relationship with a woman who used to beat him and took all his confidence away.He changed as soon as he started seeing her.......she was an ex junkie..... He left a note 6 months ago and tried to kill himself then but backed out. I didnt know any of this until after his death......his friends knew but didnt tell me what was going on.....he always said he was 'fine' !! I never realised what he was going through and what was happening....nor did my parents...they are devastated and i know life will never ever be the same again. I am very very annoyed and angry at myself for not knowing what was happening to my only brother.......i am older...i should of looked after him and protected him.......now its too late.....and i am left here with negative feelings and anger.......I know its only been a few months but i cant see myself or my parents ever getting over this.........

 

Simone44, I am very sorry to hear this. I share how you feel - I lost my 18 year old son two years ago. I would love to be able to tell you that time heals all wounds and that you and your family will get over it, but if I told you that it would not be true. Perhaps for some, but for the most part this is a type of death that does not eventually pass as are those from accidents, disease, age, etc. There always is the unknowing, and that is part of what makes it the most hard. The only solution to the grief that I have found has been to keep my son's memory alive forever - and to use his incident to help bring out more awareness of the dangers of depression and to drive more suicide prevention.

If you want to talk in private, feel free to message me here.

When I lost my son, everyone thought they could console me with words like, "It will be alright." Well, it won't. It was not, for me, something I could relate to with anyone until someone who had lost their child too called me on the phone (someone famous, in fact) and told me they understood and explained to me how he (the caller) and I both share a life sentence in a prison that we can never be paroled from. That probably does not make sense to those who don't really know what it means, but to me it helped place everything in perfect order. Drop me a note, I'm happy to share and listen.

 

I could have written the exact same words you wrote hun My brother was also abused by his wife really made him into a shell of a man he committed suicide and i blamed myself for years for not seeing or not reaching out to him. It has been a few years now it has taken its toll on us
Your brothers death hun 4 mths is not long at all you are still grieving it is so fresh in your mind I hope hun you and your family can get some support some therapy to help you through your loss the trauma the anger the sadness. It is hard right now in time not right away with help you will have less pain hun Suicide takes more then one life i wish your brother had reached out for help who knows what this women did to destroy him sorry for your loss hun but for him hun you get help ok because i know he never would ever want to harm you get some therapy to help you ok hugs

 

Thank you for your reply........thats exactly it.....noone understands at all unless they have been in your shoes. I am having counselling and decided to try and talk to people in similar situations on here as i dont know anyone who has been through a suicide death....i know it will be a life sentence...especially for my poor parents who cant believe and come to terms with the fact that he actually took his own life....we have to wait for the inquest to be held now so its still ongoing. Ho Hum....

 

Hi Total Eclipse....i think that is the biggest emotion to get over....the fact that i blame myself for not doing enough and seeing what was going on right under my nose. I am having counselling and its helping....so i have joined here as well to talk to others in same situations as me cause noone understands really.

 

I know how you feel, Simone. I lost my mother to suicide almost 5 years ago.... Suicide is something you never "get over" and is never "ok"...I think the blame is the worst part. You just have to remember you had no control over your brother's actions. You can only control the part you play in the world from here on out. *hugs* The pain...numbs you after a while. Soon, there might even be entire days when you don't feel it. But when you do, think of the good times you had with your brother and smile.

 

I'm so sorry that you lost your brother in such a heartbreaking way but please don't ever believe that it was ever your fault a lot of people hide how much they are hurting from those around them. I know that words really don't help when you are going through so much pain but please feel free to message anyone on here if you ever need to especially if the pain gets to much to cope with.

 

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. This is a big hug to you. (((HUGS))))

 

I am very sorry to hear about your brother and really feel for you.
It was a very good decision to come here and share with us,as you will find lots of folks here understand your pain from
their own similar experience .
Please do not blame yourself for this ,it would be a destructive path to go down .
The best help for myself and my father when left with my mother's suicide was that we realized we had to accept that
we just could not have prevented it. Years later I realized what a life saver that decision was though it wasn't easy at the time.

You didn't know the state you brother was in,it is very unfortunate and tragic that you were not aware of that note he had left . Everybody had kept that from you and he for sure acted as everything was OK.
Sadly we cannot always protect those we love,we are only human after all and sometimes it is not in our power to prevent tragedies to happen. Please don't let this destroy your life,that's the last thing your brother would have wanted. ((((Simone44))))