I lost my soul mate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nowalone, Jun 3, 2010.

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  1. nowalone

    nowalone Member

    I'm usually such a positive person due to overcoming past experiences. I was depressed for over four years straight and during that time I lost my best friend in a skateboarding accident. So after getting through all of that I learned to live life in a positive and fulfilling way. I never thought i'd ever be blessed to meet someone like her. Her name is Michelle, and she was my soul mate. We were supposed to get married in a month. She gave me the best five years of my life. I am so devistated now that she's gone. I can't seem to fully forgive myself or God for that matter. I'm so angry because after everything i've already been through and believing that my luck had finally changed, this had to happen. I'm so confused and not really wanting to carry on. I mean I really don't want to kill myself but I wouldn't mind if God just took me away. I just want to be with her so bad. She was my best friend and we would talk to eachother all day. It's hard when you live with someone and all of a sudden they're just not there. It's so quiet now. I always felt like something big was going to happen in my life and I thought it did when my best friend passed away in 04. But now this. I don't know how to carry on. I either want to be happy again or just be with her. She was my happiness. My day and my night. I'm not afraid of anything anymore and I know i'll have them if I die. But I feel as though this life is too fucked up sometimes. I know people got it worse, but who looses thier best friend and then thier soon to be wife in such a short period of time. I thought the twenties were supposed to be the best years of your life. Well I guess i could say for those five years Michelle and I were together, it was. But now what? I'm gonna be 28 soon and all my future plans are now gone. She took them with her that day. I have nothing to look forward to but only hope. I just hope that something will bring back some happiness in my life or just take me away. Either way i'll be happy. Do something soon God I can't wait.....
     
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know that gets said a lot but I mean it. I know you are going through a lot right now, but it will get better for you. You still have a lot to live for and a lot to look forward to, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

    It's a good thing you have started to talk about how you are feeling, as this is a crucial step in overcoming your grief. Seeing a grief counselor or therapist would be a good idea, as they are professionals in things like this, but talking about it here is a good idea too.

    Please don't do anything drastic, as that would make things worse for those who love you, and ultimately for yourself. Keep on posting if you wish, it will help to talk about it and you will start to feel better faster.

    Welcome to the forum, and once again I am sorry for your loss.
     
  3. nowalone

    nowalone Member

    Thank you Tobes. I really don't want to take my life because I know exactly how hard it is for loved ones, but I guess i'm trying to say that I really wouldn't mind if God takes me now. I just really miss her so much. I'm still in shock of what my life has now become. A couple weeks after she left, I got really bad sciatica and am still unable to return to my work. So i've had to change my career, where I live, and everything. She was my life so it's very hard to live without her. It's so quiet now. But joining this group has been one of the best supports that i've found. Hawaii is so small and although I have great friends, it's still hard to talk to them about everything I feel. At least this way I can kind of be anonomys and wont be judged for venting.
     
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