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I love and abuse you... right?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Xenos, Feb 22, 2010.

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  1. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Mom and Dad never say 'I love you.' They purposely show it through emotional abuse (I know that sounds weird, but they had to grow up the same way) They didn't know how to say it directly because of the culture they grew up in.

    Now I 'caused them unimaginable pain by trying to run away from the family. They loved me dearly and didn't know how much I seemed to 'hate' them. The hate part is totally off, but now they just seemed so depressed they don't believe me anymore. My brother had caused them the same pain, and they had the will to keep going and continue to raise me and help me pay for college, so I can go when they couldn't afford college. That was years ago.

    Anyways, I on the other hand saw my parents who could care less how I felt and was going through, and they seemed to enjoy 'causing me pain. I did love them from the heart. I chose hard classes to show that I was working hard and getting good grades. I just wanted their approval. That was months ago... then a few days ago, my mind just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to run away 'cause of the constant abuse they gave me.

    Well my neighbor took me back and it all just ended in the biggest argument of my life. I found out it was all a big misunderstanding, and they really did love me. But the words that spewed out already scarred them for life and they pretty much lost hope in me. I deserved that. I deserve punishment. I deserve true hell. I deserve suicide.

    So I'm BEGGING for advice to patch and rebuild up any leftover parent-child relationship in my family, that we can live back to normal as best as possible. It's my fault, and I have to do the best I can to make this right again! now, suicide seems the best option for me. It'll save my parents the hell they have to deal with me. Please help me!
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Why do you think that their depression and them being so called 'scarred for life' has to do with you? They could be depressed, emotionally abusive parents who are transferring their own things on to you, cos they don't want to take responsibility for their own behaviour.

    You sound like you've suffered hell with them and take way too much on your shoulders, and your MH and safety was effected by their behaviour. Why do you feel guilty for having a very normal reaction to being abused?
  3. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    I just feel like I misunderstood their love for abuse... and I wasn't courageous enough to confront them about it. In other words, if I had talked to them about this, maybe I could've avoided this whole situation.
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :sad: It's not your fault. It's common when people go through what you've done to feel guilty and to feel, it's your fault and you could control how they acted when it's not.

    A lot of people say "I love you" while they mistreat others, it's a good tactic to keep the people they are using nearby, externalise whatever BS they have inside. Once you leave, or , as you noticed when you did leave the last time, they will appear 'depressed', argue with you, say they love you, cos they don't have you as something to use again.

    You sound like you're in so much pain and you do love your parents. Thing is, I have a fair feeling they might not feel the same way about you. I think you just have to listen to yourself, really closely, cos look at your post, you say you weren't being treated well. You say repeatedly you were emotionally abused (because you understood this as love and didn't know anything else) to the point where you were running away from home, and you snapped, and you tried to hard to please them and never felt good enough probably cos of the messages they were giving you.
    Do you see a therapist?
  5. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    No I don't see a therapist... and even if I need to, I have no idea how to find one.
  6. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I am totally culture invalid... What did you do so bad that you think you deserve punishment, hell and death?
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    my dad abused me alot, and treated me like a excess baggage but I think deep down he does love me...but I know alot of what he did, I know why and that his own childhood abuse was reflected...

    still Ive come to understand that no matter what happened, he had no right to treat me that way...

    one thing abusers dont like is being told and shown what they are...they'll deny it, create a fake reality and force you to believe it...

    for the longest time I would tell on what happened to me but dad would say it didnt happen or I missunderstood...I didn't its their defense mechanism working because they know they did something wrong...they know they hurt you but they hope that if they dont mention it it will dissapear like it never happened...

    whatever they are experience is the consequences to their actions...everything you do no matter who you are comes back to you....everything you do has consequences, both positive and negative....you got to take responsibility for what you're doing...so don't feel bad or sad about this...just like children they got to learn from their mistakes, action etc...you can't force a horse to drink as they say...they got to do it themselves...

    so all of this to say that you can only watch and offer support if they ask...you cant do it for them...meanwhile you should take care of yourself...by taking care of yourself you are taking care of your surroundings...

    as for therapist, you can ask a family doctor to recommend someone...or maybe at your school...
  8. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Thank you living in my own world, I'll take this advice to heart and live through this the best I can.

    Sammakko, I just feel like I misunderstood their love for abuse... and I wasn't courageous enough to confront them about it. In other words, if I had talked to them about this, maybe I could've avoided this whole situation. This is the same answer I told ggg4567.
  9. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    OK well, my english is bad and my imagenation runs wild...
  10. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    That's alright. I'm not bothered by it. =)
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