Mom and Dad never say 'I love you.' They purposely show it through emotional abuse (I know that sounds weird, but they had to grow up the same way) They didn't know how to say it directly because of the culture they grew up in. Now I 'caused them unimaginable pain by trying to run away from the family. They loved me dearly and didn't know how much I seemed to 'hate' them. The hate part is totally off, but now they just seemed so depressed they don't believe me anymore. My brother had caused them the same pain, and they had the will to keep going and continue to raise me and help me pay for college, so I can go when they couldn't afford college. That was years ago. Anyways, I on the other hand saw my parents who could care less how I felt and was going through, and they seemed to enjoy 'causing me pain. I did love them from the heart. I chose hard classes to show that I was working hard and getting good grades. I just wanted their approval. That was months ago... then a few days ago, my mind just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to run away 'cause of the constant abuse they gave me. Well my neighbor took me back and it all just ended in the biggest argument of my life. I found out it was all a big misunderstanding, and they really did love me. But the words that spewed out already scarred them for life and they pretty much lost hope in me. I deserved that. I deserve punishment. I deserve true hell. I deserve suicide. So I'm BEGGING for advice to patch and rebuild up any leftover parent-child relationship in my family, that we can live back to normal as best as possible. It's my fault, and I have to do the best I can to make this right again! now, suicide seems the best option for me. It'll save my parents the hell they have to deal with me. Please help me!