I really do. Thing is he has an anger problem. I'm afraid now. It never really got to me until the night before finals when he pushed me into a wall again 'cause I'd snapped at him. We were both stressed, but I can't deal anymore. I'm so conflicted 'cause I don't want to leave him, but I'm afraid of him, and I love him, except when the fear overwhelms the love. I just don't know what to do. I came out of an emotionally traumatic childhood. I was incapable of most emotions for years. He brought me back. He's a wonderful person, but he has no self control. No matter how much he knew it hurt me he couldn't even stop from asking for bjs most nights. When he gets angry he's terrifying. He's never hit me, but he's pushed me against walls a few times, and he's got alt personalities. Most of the time they're not out, but I've had a few -very- bad experiences with one of them. I'm lost and I'm scared. I really can't deal with this, but I don't know what to do. He says he'll try to control his temper, but even that's prolly not gonna be enough. He needs more control in general. I'm so jumpy these days. It's only been a few days since finals, and I go home tomorrow with him. My home, 5 hour flight, and I don't wanna be there anyways. I want to see the people, but the pain's there as well. All of this is running through me, and I'm worried about my grades 'cause we didn't study enough as it was, and after he pushed me that time I spent 3 hours crying in my room. It was the first time, and I talked in chat here and do a mutual friend, and we're trying to get him to see he needs to grow the fuck up and get some control, but I can't handle this. I'm afraid of him if he even shows signs of anger on the game we play when we're playing from different rooms. I'm panicking about tomorrow. I fall into spells of fear and terror around him if he even gets irked. It shouldn't be happening, and if I tell him it'll kill him, but it's slowly killing me. I was the walking dead for over 4 years until I got out of Cali and started taking my life back. Now to not be in a constant panic I have to be dead again. It's emotionally dead. I don't know what to do. I can't survive this way. I'm lost and really afraid. I don't have a reason to be this afraid, but I am. 'm sorry. I just can't keep this locked up.