I love being ignored. I'm used to it for the most part. But on days like today it still sucks. Its days like today that enforce the feeling that I am nothing and mean nothing. Don't tell me you'll be there if I ever need to talk, don't say you care about me, dont' give me a fake hug when you really don't mean any of it. I'd rather you say nothing at all than give me the cookie cutter line of "I'm here to talk if you need to" or "lean on me" if you don't truly mean it. I'm sick of people lying. I need someone right now. more then I have really ever before. and people that offer their support don't even mean it. Why bother? I ask again, why bother? Because they won't... You tell me to hold on. Hold on to what? you can't tell me to hold on when you're not even there for me to hold on to.
I wish I had words to say to add comfort but all I can offer you is the little I have to give, I dont mean to seem cold or distant, it is part of my syndrome.. but hopefully through here we can strike up a friendship..
Hun all the things i've said to you is all true. If you need me you know where i am, you know my email address and you can allways PM me. I've never lied to you. Im here for you and i mean that with all my heart. xxx
We don't have to be physically there to help you, and you don't even have to know what we look like to know that we care. Some of the most influential people in my life have been people I have never met. Hell, even some who died before I was born. The internet allows us to access each other through a network (internet). You get on the net. And we connect. We can talk to each other! :laugh: It's amazing. It may not seem as good as physically being there, but don't doubt for a second that we don't care. Otherwise, why would we be here? I know for sure I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this message when I could be outside, I could be sitting on my couch, I could be sleeping, I could be doing anything I want right now......but I'm not, because I care. Be well, Jess.
I'm well aware that people here care. I don't doubt that for a minute. There are so many friendships created here. I'm glad for that, and them. I don't want to sound like a bitch here or anything, but I wanted to write this out. I don't know. I may be wasting my time, but don't let me waste yours.. don't bother reading it. I have a feeling that just with my name aside it many people don't bother anyways. I know I write a lot of stuff that doesn't quite make sense or is repetitive, and I'm sorry. I'm just upset. I dont like how when I'm hurting like this that I get replies to something that aren't true. Someone says they'll be there if I want to talk or need someone to lean on. But when the time comes where I actually need someone, I turn and there's no one there. :sad: Those moments where I feel the worst.. what happend to those people that said they'd be there when ever I needed them? just please, don't promise me something that's not true. if you don't want to be the person someone turns to. don't offer it just to be nice. or what not. Maybe I'm mental. Maybe I should just shut up while I'm ahead. Maybe I shouldjust leave, maybe I should just die. I don't know. but I don't see much reason to stay :sad: I thought I was nothing... I believe I am nothing. I know I deserve nothing. Sorry for wasting your time. Take care. :grouphug:
Jess, you're not mental... being in the situation that you are in is bound to affect you... I mean, you live in it after all. I dont promise to be able to be there 24/7... its not possible. But I do promise that when I can, I AM there for ya. :hug: TDM
I am mental. I'm not me. I don't know who me is anymore. Losing sight of whatever it was that made me who I am. I'll lose you too....
