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I love my abuser

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by deferred dream, Jan 6, 2010.

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  1. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Has anyone else had that experience?

    One of the very worst abusers of me in my childhood was my oldest brother. He was severely emotionally damaged himself from the same at-home factors that damaged me, but while I expressed my pain by withdrawing, he expressed his through rage and abusing me. He relentlessly called me worthless and useless and I still feel that way today. But now, many years later, oddly enough, he is one of the few people I trust. I guess it's because he knows the absolute worst of me...he caused it. And I know it wasn't necessarily his fault, he was the victim of neglect and abuse just like I was. Even though he damaged me irrepairably, I can't be angry at him. Same with my father and mother. Strangely, the only family member I have brothers with is my other brother who was the only one that didn't really abuse me. But he was abused too and now he's really expressing it through withdrawal from all of us.

    Just a weird though. Anyone else have a similar story?
  2. jhhop

    jhhop Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I was sexually abused by a cousin from a very young age for about 8 yrs. For some strange reason I spent a large part of my teenage years trying to win his approval, it was almost hero worship.
    Now, even though i'm all messed up, I can't find it in myself to hate or detest him. I'll never see him again so I think that's why I really don't care what becomes of him.
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