i love my scars

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by dazzle11215, Jun 27, 2008.

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  1. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have to tell you something: i love my scars.

    i still keep them hidden from other people, my family especially, but when i'm home alone i wear short sleeves so i can stare at them and enjoy them. i love them and i want more.

    i feel like they are evidence: i want to show them to others so i can say "see, i've been through a war. just look at the scars, and look at me. i survived. it wasn't easy, but here i am"

    but the thing is, i don't expect anyone else will have that interpretation. perhaps they will think i am sick. maybe they will be grossed out. i don't know, and i kind of don't want to take the chance. so for now i cover up.

    i have scars from my first suicide attempt, when i was 16 (do the math, yes, that's 26 years ago). i have scars from when i was raped at knifepoint when i was 20. i have scars from surgery i had when i broke my ankle at 22. and i have many, many scars from all the cutting i did until from 14 to 29 - and which i started again 6 months ago.

    i want to write a poem to my scars, thanking them for keeping me alive. 'cos that's how it feels.
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    oh thank god.. i thought i was the only one.

    :unsure: i love looking at my beauties.. as i call them.:shy:
    this one guy told me to stop. it's repulsive what i'm doing.. but i love these scars.

    I agree with your war statement. It's almost like, proof to yourself, more than others...

  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I've never cut, but I can see why you would want to keep them close. I don't have physical scars to keep by my side, but sometimes I feel like I love my depression. Like it is my best friend, the only thing that will never leave me.
  4. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I know exactly where your coming from. I hide mine on and off, but I'd never think for a moment of getting rid of them. I used to hate them... but after using bio oil for about 2 weeks, I suddenly realised, "hey, what the hell am I doing?"

    They serve as both a memory, and a deterent, and they mean a lot to me. I don't think it's that uncommen: My girlfriend likes hers too (I rember a very messed up coversation where we took it in turns to explain the story behind each one - Well all the ones we could remember) and I met alot of people in the ward who lived them too.
  5. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    I love the ones on the top of my leg, not the ones on the rest of my body, just my leg. there just 'perfect' I would be upset if they disappeared because they almost comfort me especially the words even though they are very negative words.
  6. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Have to admit, I kinda like my scars too. I'd rather they be there than not, even though I go to all sorts of lengths to hide them from other people.

  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    In a way my scars remind me that I am not crazy, and I really was / am struggling, even if that's all that can be seen, but I don't like others seeing them. I hide them if possible, most are on my legs and thighs and other covered partsm so I wear jeans most of the time, sometimes I do look at them and feel the ridges in the scarring, maybe I am crazy... :unsure:

    Though, I didn't scar myself because I wanted scars, it was my venting. Did any of you do it just for the scars? :unsure:
  8. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    You're not crazy.

    You know... I was once told that I was f*cked up, because I used to cut on my shoulder, and not my wrist.. and now I cut in even more secluded spots, because of the summer time.

    But I know you are not crazy.. You're just as sane as I am.

  9. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :biggrin:aha i must be crazy too:biggrin:

    i do love my scars, but theres only one that still can be seen.
    its on my leg and its the inatials JCJ
    if im tan, then it shows up more
    i like that scar the most

    the others faded away, so i dont have a story for them:sad:
    but with the one that i have, i have just a good story

    its one of those typical love stories but in the emo kinda way.
    girl likes boy and boy likes girl, girl gets a boyfriend and well boy is miserable.
    girl wants to prove she still cares, and so does boy. girl is brave enought to
    carve the inatials into her leg, but boy would rather carve unnamed.

    i like seeing that we did this for love, although he never did carve anything in
    his arm. i like the story behind scars :smile:

    one time me and my friend told stories about all of our scars, whether they be
    SH or not, and the stories were actually quite interesting :rolleyes::smile:
  10. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    i understand what you mean.....
    I myself have lied to others about how i got my scars....but im amazed and proud that i fooled others into believin my stories of the "accidents" that caused them...

    I do cut in strange places to, in order to hide them more easily.
  11. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i mostly cut on my hips now
    so you cant really see the scar. it looks like
    the seam from jeans or shorts :D

    innocensexisxlove and I have also lied about how we got them
    she fell into a bush, my bunny scratched me :D
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi guys thanks for the responses. i really thought i was alone in this feeling. the good thing about ireland is that it is pretty cold here, even in the summer. i don't really have much chance to wear short sleeves. but all that will change when i get back to canada!!!
  13. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I haven't cut in a year but yeah...I share the same feelings about mine. Good thing too because they're not going anywhere any time soon...they're not going to fade physically for at least another ten years.

    I'm not sure why...maybe I just think they're a way of getting sympathy. I also like to think they're proof that I know what some people are going through in their depression and it would make them less scared of revealing things about them so I can help them better. The sadistic and mean sign of me wants to keep them as a reminder to the person I love that their betrayal caused me to cut myself open...as well as a reminder that I care about them.

    Not saying I'm proud...but I'm in no real hurry to get rid of them.
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