"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
A lot of my friends have had raised this question and shoved it on my face, and my answer is always and will always be the same.
" I do not have one because I do not feel that I need one because the love that my parents are giving me is good enough for me."
But what they do not know is that as happy as I am appearing to be, the more broken I am inside.
They do not know that I crave for that particular love that a normal parent should give to a normal child. Ever since I was a kid, I have experienced emotional, physical, and verbal abuse in the hands of those who should be protecting and loving me endlessly. And these continuous difficulties made me feel so numb and so fucking hollow that I promised myself that I would never ever trust someone with my heart the way I have trusted them.
This is the reason why I am so afraid to make friends because I know that they will hurt me the way my parents did. This is the reason why I keep pushing people away no matter how much they make me feel that they really care for me. And most importantly, this is the reason why I will never give myself a chance to love you, and give you a chance to love me back because I know in my heart that you deserve the best in life. And I know that I am not the best for you because a damaged person like me does not have the right to love someone as beautiful and kind-hearted as you.