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i love you i miss you


Antiquities Friend
We never usually get the chance to say goodbye to the people we love and lose so i wanted to write my goodbyes ...im trying to get well and i think it will help to get rid of some thoughts. Its kind of confessions/goodbyes so if you are feeling a bit fragile today then you might wanna skip this post and if so here is a hug for u *giant hug*

to my gran
You were a brilliant gran and you always spoiled me i wish i had gotten to know you when i was older but you passed when i was 8 im sorry you had to suffer and that i couldnt go to your funeral but no one told me you had died. I love you i miss you! xxx

to my mum
Im sorry that we were apart at the end i know that you had problems and i tried to be there ..i loved you as you were but because i complained about your drinking you probably didnt believe me i wish i had been less judgemental and been a better daughter. It must have been terrifying to be so ill. I am sorry that i stopped bringing the little one to your house i know i said you could see him at our house but it still must have hurt you. I should have been there for you more. I miss the chats we had the soup you used to make the way you made terrible rolled up ciggarrettes .....i regret that i did not send you the letter i wrote you one christmas. Some of the best memories i have are from when we spent time together. You were so funny and caring when you were well and so sad when you were drinking i just thought i could make you better and it blinded me to the real truth that you werent meant to stay here and i should have made the most of the time you had.I should have just kept knocking at your door until you answered even if it had taken years. I dont know why you shut us all out we could have forgiven you anything we should have made you see that. I could write so much great stuff about you i wish i could have told you it all. Im sorry. I love you and i miss you ! xx

to my daughter
i can still feel the warmness of your little body agaisnt mine. I never saw you open your eyes i never heard you cry or see your little chest rise and fall. I am so so sorry that i didnt look after you better. I didnt look after myself when i was expecting you i was depressed and i didnt put you first. I was selfish and naive and i should have known better. It was my job to grow you and nurture you and protect you until you came into the world and despite my poor job you almost made it. A few more weeks and you would have. You were perfect in everyway. I wish i had seen the colour of your eyes and bathed you and dressed you. I cannot even put into words the pain and guilt and sorrow i feel that i did not give you the life that was yours. I will never be able to make that up to you. I can never make it right.i am more sorry than you will ever know. i love you eternally and miss you more. xx

To grandma
You were the kindest most loving person i have ever known. It was a pleasure to know you and a priveledge. You were there for me when no one else was. You had so many of your own problems but you never stopped being there for all of us. You were strong beyond words. If i ever become even half the woman you were then i shall be truly greatful. We always knew we were loved unconditionally by you. Im so glad i got to see you before you left us. I know you went suddenly but i hugged you and said i love you grandma and i feel at peace about that. Im sorry i didnt ring you more see you more and be a better grandaughter. I aspire to be as good a person as you were. I love you ....i miss you xx

to nana in law
we never saw eye to eye. i know you didnt want me to take your grandson away but im sure you knew we all need to make our own way in life. Im sorry you were so poorly at the end. Im sorry we didnt get on with each other and i wish it could have been different xx

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