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I loved her

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by niels, Jun 18, 2015.

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  1. niels

    niels Member

    I am an 18 year old boy and last year I met this girl... she's the most perfect girl I have ever seen and about a month ago she told me she loved me too but she doesn't want someone in her life... the last few week were verry difficult for me and now I have decided that there is nothing left for me to live for, I just can't go on with my life without her...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You will harm her by leaving because she will blame herself You can move forward i know right now you don't believe that but you can and you will meet someone else just take one day at a time ok
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, have you thought about going to counselling? It might help you greatly to understand why you're feeling the way you are. Please do not harm yourself, that will not help in any way. :hugs:
  4. faded71

    faded71 New Member

    A situation like this happened to me 22 years ago. I was wounded enough by it that I was grieving to some extent for 17 years afterwards. Quite wasteful really and most likely an already existing depressive tendency kept prolonging the unhealthy feelings. The thing is your feeling towards this person is genuine, and even her feeling for you may be too, but, there is a lot to feel and see in life, and at 18 the accident of meeting someone you feel that much for is just too early, for either of you. It's too early a reward or resolution. It's possible that had you hidden your feeling this girl might have come to feel as you do, but you might then have said you were not ready. Sometimes people we meet are catalysts of experience or of a decision, in them or us or both. This woman said to me after I professed love, 'I want more...' It was a vague thing to say, and I think she barely knew what she meant, but I've been able to see how she's lived since and she certainly has had more - travel, varied work, different homes, many relationships. I understand that by putting the idea of forever in her head I made her aware that committing to me would shut off the future she instead has had. That future wasn't perfect, but it would have been calling to her all along if she had accepted me, so early in our lives. And, I too have had a bigger life than if she had accepted me. I am struggling now, and I don't know how much more struggle I have in me, but believe me, as much as I understand how you feel and as vivid as your present feeling is, it would be wasteful to be pulled into suicidal feelings over it. The feeling will quieten down. You may not ever fully forget her but how you feel right now will become manageable or die away. You might have a romantic-seeming wish that the feeling never dies away, but to have a healthy future you have to remain open-hearted, and the quietening down of your current feeling is necessary to that. Another woman, or several, or many, will come and you will continue to change - your wants and your tastes.
  5. niels

    niels Member

    I just get this feeling that something is missing and a lot of times I feel sick when I am not even ill... That's how much she means to me. I already wrote a few suicide notes and planned everything, I just don't know when and where I want to do it because I don't want to hurt her.
  6. What

    What Active Member

    Lots of people fall for someone.. infatuation, lust, true love, or whatever, but then cannot be with the person they fell for. The vast majority of people who experience this don't kill themselves. So if you commit suicide it won't really be because you had a crush and then it didn't pan out. It will probably be because you have a mental illness that you don't know you have yet. You should see a professional to see if that is the case before making a big decision. Rule things out before making a final decision. At least you want to make an informed decision and not an ignorant one. I have struggled with feeling suicidal, a couple attempts and so on for several years now and finally went to see a psychiatrist and apparently I am bipolar. Go find out if you have something first.
  7. niels

    niels Member

    I can't because I don't want my parents to know. And I am shore that it has everything to do with her, I just know. When I am with her I feel happy and good but when she is not with me everything feels like there is nothing for me.
  8. What

    What Active Member

    Yes I am sure that you feel sure. Your feelings are real they just are not accurate so to say. I was once sure that the government was going to round us all up in FEMA camps and exterminate us and totally lost it with my family because I was trying to save them but they wouldn't listen to me. Do you understand? My feelings were very real and my distress was very real but my thoughts were off. I am sure you negative feelings are real and that you are really suffering, but your reasoning is off. Which is why you probably have a mental illness that is messing with you. And so what if your parents know. All they need to know is that you need help getting some help. You are 18 so they don't need to know all the details. And if you off yourself, your parents are definitely going to know that you were mentally ill. So what is the point of hiding it. Do you see, you are not making much sense. Because something is going wrong in your brain. It's not your fault and your feelings are real but something is amiss in your thought process. Just go for it, you can always off yourself later if it doesn't pan out, go find out if you have a mental illness.
  9. niels

    niels Member

    But if I had a mental illness, why did I started feeling like this from the point that she got out of my life and didn't feel these things before?
  10. What

    What Active Member

    Because mental illness episodes can be triggered by real life events. Also personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder can be very reactive to situations around you and in your life. A lot of people with mental health problems can feel okay for periods of time. I have episodes and they are usually set off by stress. Mental illnesses and disorders are not often constantly active in a person. Even people with schizophrenia can go for periods of time without hallucinations and delusions between their episodes.

    However it is also perfectly normal for your brain to try to find cause and effect, rhyme and reason. After all if you cannot figure out why something is happening then how are you supposed to confront it. Right? So when you have this type of reaction then your brain will naturally try to figure out why. However you can have a correlation =/= causation mistake where you think that because something else happened at the same time, then it must be the cause. But it's a misinterpretation not a fact. It happens to most people sometimes, even people without any mental health issues. But if you do have mental health problems then it tends to happen a lot.
  11. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Because anytime that your happiness and ability to live depends that much on somebody else there is an issue. If nothing else is some type of codependency thing that needs to be addressed.

    So far as not wanting your parents to know, they will know if you kill yourself too, so really that is not a very good excuse to not see a dr. You are 18, they do not go into the exam room with you to talk to a dr about what is going on , nor into counseling appts with you if you were to see a counselor. If it is in fact the one true love / love of your life and destiny then in a few years will work out when you are both full adults and have life and goals sorted out. If unable to wait to see if that happens then it is not a case of wanting to be with her for your life , it is a case of needing her to be happy and you are using her for your happiness, not in a mutual loving relationship. Most of us have been there, it does hurt, a lot. But it also does not hurt like that forever. Give it a year before you give serious thought to other and see where life takes you (and her) in that time.
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