I made a mistake trying to be happy and improve things and I messed up. I'm sure you will think the same. I decided I would go on a date, chatting online for a few days and thought I could invite him over. It was a mistake. He hurt it almost as soon as he walked in. He raped me and I have injuries. Things just never get better. First I was sick during a planned holiday. Then a friend yelling at me (via email)..I can't take her anymore. Nothing happened. She just felt the need to tell me how I frustrate her. She frustrates me but I don't tell her. She's mean but I choose not to hurt people. Then this "date". He raped me. I called hospital and the on-call person didn't help me. She said I could shower and I knew that was wrong but I could smell him and I thought I was going to throw up. She said to save my underwear so I did but I did shower. Finally someone helped on Monday. I did a rape kit. Had some genital injuries etc so that evidence was there but worried anything else was gone since it was 2 days later. I tried. Now I have to deal with it all and I can't I'm on the p.e.p. meds and they are horrible. I just wanted to be safe and so I am taking them. I have to go for follow up exams and I don't want to. I'm scared. I want to die more than ever. I have nobody to support me. I am alone, so isolated and hating myself so very much. Nothing to be happy about. I'm thinking Thursday or Friday as my date. I'm too tired to do anything today.