If anyone's read my last post (I don't blame if you didn't), you'd know I tried to call the suicide hot-line. I didn't manage to use the phone right and I ended up taking a nap instead. Sometime after I woke up, I tried to figure out what I did wrong. I asked my mom about it and told her I tried to call someone. Even later, she asked me who I was trying to call. I told her the truth. She cried. It's hard to make sense of everything we talked about. She said she felt useless because she couldn't figure out how to help me. I tried to backtrack, convince her I was fine, but I knew it was too late for that. We talked to my grandma about it, and I think we have a plan now. Still, I wish I hadn't said anything. I feel like I wasted all her efforts. She still seems upset. I feel even worse about myself now. I didn't want to share my misery, especially with her. She struggles even more than I do... I messed up bad, didn't I?