Long story short, I'm dirt poor. I am on benefits and I have no savings. I currently own something along the lines of £40. I still have a few bills to pay before I get the next benefits... Yesterday I got a message that they were cutting my benefits down further, and on top of that they expected me to pay back around £90. I get a bit more in benefits because apparently my tiny flat is too expensive in rent... I had absolutely no idea how to make it through next month with bills, rent, medicine and commute to my unpaid job the jobcenter found for me (that I don't know when is starting)... even if I lived off of stale bread all of next month there was no way in hell I'd make it. I broke down in the shower... I knew what I had to do... go back to prostitution. My abusive 'ex' *gags* forced me to prostitute myself... I stopped that 18 months ago when I met my boyfriend. It hurt so much thinking that it was the only way... I hurt myself and I drank a lot of whiskey, anything to stop myself from crying and feeling disgusting... Luckily I decided to gamble online... I only put in £10... (it's a rule I have, I can't afford a gambling habit too)... and managed to win exactly the amount they cut my benefits with! And further more, despite being hungover and sore and feeling sorry for myself (and trying to convince my boyfriend I was okay) I looked through the papers... turns out the benefits office made a mistake... they ignored my electric bill in the documents I have to send them every 3 months. I doubt it it going to match it up to what I used to get, but it has to move in my favour. But... it still hurts that I start thinking like that... that degrading myself in that way is the only way to survive. My friend added me to a closed page on facebook... for people who either are in bad situations or want to help... I looked at some of the posts and thought 'thats what normal people do. They ask for help...'. But I just can't make myself ask for help in that group... My situation couldn't be much worse, well I could end up on the streets... because I can't cut back on food anymore. But I just feel like there's people who need it more... and I don't look like I need help. I'm overweight, I even wear a neat fur coat in the winter (I got it from an old lady who was giving away her rich late sisters belongings) I wasn't planning on telling my boyfriend anything. We are in a long distance relationship and I have told him to never send me money or expensive gifts... that's not why I'm with him.