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I managed to make a thread..

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Ok, first off i'll explain my situation...

I'm 15, male from Scotland. From the start of my 2nd year at highschool my attendance started dropping from like 95% to 78% then in 3rd year lower and lower untill i stopped going, i havent been any of 4th year yet.
I'm seeing a counselor and a therapist for.. something... i dont know.. depression for sure, my counselor thinks i have social anxiety my therapist thinks i dont. My therapist also says i'm blocking most of my worries out too aswell, and thats hard to do or something..
My family is good, no abuse or anything. Middle class, and way above average in school. (well.. was)

But i'm not going to school, i'm going to drop out with nothing.. i've tried to kill myself 3 times by overdose, large amounts last time was 16G paracetamol but i was just sick for days. My parents didnt suspect anything. I also self-harm, not alot though, it varies between cutting and basicaly scalding :sad:

Now i find myself stuck between giving my all or giving up. I either tell someone everything - risk possible being sectioned (might be good, might be bad i dont know..) which might not even help and leaves my friends and family knowing everything... or killing my self (which seems pretty good right now) I have a plan worked out and everything, no stupid pills this time.

The biggest thing right now i suppose is this - one minute i want help, the next i want to die, then i dont want to do anything and then i find my self thinking what the hell is wrong. And it totaly changes the way i think and feel really strongly and its hard to control.

Anyway i suppose the reason i wrote this is i want to know what a psychiatric ward is like here in the UK and maybe wtf is wrong with me.. Maybe that will give me more reason to get help. I should probably cut this short here before i dont want help and delete this stupid post!

- MH
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hiya MH,
im sorry that you feel so confused and low at the moment. i dont supose this is helped by the differing opinions of the 'specialists'.
its hard to find a balance with our thoughts and feelings at the best of times.
i wish i could answer your questions but unfortunitly i havent a clue babe. the best i can offer is an ear if you ever want to talk to someone............

:S btw ,, whats a mod???:S bet im gonna hate asking that question!!!
Hi Minihero,

Has anything happened in your life that has caused you to lose your will to live and go to school? If you can't relate your feelings to any specific event it is very likely that you are suffering from a disorder that could likely be treated with medication. I highly recommend that you see a proper doctor rather than just a therapist.

The biggest thing right now i suppose is this - one minute i want help, the next i want to die, then i dont want to do anything and then i find my self thinking what the hell is wrong. And it totaly changes the way i think and feel really strongly and its hard to control.
To me this sounds like rapid cycling bipolar disorder. I have a friend who suffers from this, one minute he's feeling great, the next he's suicidal. He was not born with it, it developed when he was about 18.

Please, go see a doctor!
family knowing everything
Sometimes we think the worst about our family knowing everything, when i eventually opened up and told my mum how concerned i was about my depression, and it was getting stronger.
She told me about the families depression which went back a few decades.
It was at that time she also told me she had been on amitriptylin for 30 years I felt a great relief and also an acceptance to be who i wanted to be instead of having to put on smile every day.

I also tell people now about my problems as i don't want to walk around pretending to smile, as when I'm depressed I'm depressed, so people have to accept it or leave me alone to get on with it.

a lot of the pressure felt in depression is more than it should be by a feeling we have to be different than the way we are, when in fact we most certainly do not.

I hope you find some respite soon.


Well-Known Member
Depression as far as I know can be for many reasons.

You say your family is ok and yet you are having to deal with the final years of secondary schooling which can be a nightmare of having to achieve and having to fit in and having to be "cool" and having to be God knows what. That in itself can create depression and if you have no voice to express yourself it can create sucidal thoughts. I can imagine that maybe you don't want to rock the "ok" family which suddenly means that you can not connect with them.

Your counsellor should not really be telling you what they think in terms of your situation. A counsellor is there to listen and seeing a therapist is giving you mixed messages. If I were in your situation I would let them both go and see a counsellor who is Person-Centred (I know I keep saying this at the moment but I am doing a course so forgive me!!!!) so you can say without predjudice. Empower yourself to be in touch with "you" and then make decisions from that point. This may mean reaching out and being honest with family and friends. But "you" is a good place to start!

Suicide for me is the result of no voice... Find your voice and speak loud and clearly!

Beachboy x
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