i may be dying tomorrow for real, no joke!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Sep 28, 2010.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well, dont know exactly how to post this so i will try the best i can. Please excuse any typo as my eyes are filled with tears as i write this.

    last friday a lady came out while i was gone to see my dad. some dumb idiot told her that i was abusing my dad. my dad is the only thing i have left, if they take him i die.. Right after my oldest brother was murdered i had strong feelings of doing it then but knew that to do so dad would be left without anyone to take care of him. i had been taking care of him since i was 15 years old when my mom passed away, in 1988. that is a long time so i had to stay for dad.

    here lately dad has had cancer, lymphoma ( large b-cell ) and he has been getting chemo which i have earnestkly prayed for a healing and it is no longer on his neck at all. so the chemo has worked, me on the other hand have been trying to better myself and just recently got into the police acdemy. have had 3 weeks training so far and i absolutly love it, have been on patrol for a full 8 hours and currently scheduled to go another 5 hours october 12 on patrol. however that may not happen.

    someone who must hate me, told this lady that i abused my father, that i had him chained up inside, and that i will be going to jail,etc.. i had went to town yesterday to get money for gas to take dad to his shots ( he gets these shots to rebuild his WBC ) well on the way to town my van tears up, fuel sensor thingy went out by the time i get it fixed and back home this lady has already come and left a number for me to call her, well i call her and she tells me that she has had reports of me hurting my dad and that she will be here tomorrow and take dad away and put me in jail all because 2 people reported that i had abused mty dad. i love my dad, he is the only thing left without him i die.

    well after class tonight i call this minister i know. i will not tell his name just his intiakls A.W. anyway i call him to tell him that if they take dad i will die, well guess what he tells me. his exact words were " WELL IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU " well he doesnt care and he is a minister so yeah, if dad is taken away i will be dead.

    NO JOKE..

    NO THREAT THAT DOES NOT fall thru because i mean it, they take him i am gone.

    my minister doesn't care, no one does

    so why post here? well maybe after my funeral he will see this and realize that the next person who tells him that he might try understanding a little better or asking what he can do instead of his remark of well it's been nice knowing you..

    so yeah, probably last night here..
  2. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    You can get through these dark days. Focus on getting your dad better and the rest can suck. If you need to speak to a lawyer about the situation ask about malicious prosecution because that woman is lying and she cannot be allowed to make up baseless allegations.

    Talk to us some more. Above all stay focused on your dad and be strong for him.
  3. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through. i can't imagine being the caretaker for a loved one and someone accuses you of harming them. and wow, i can't believe your minister said that! horrible. please don't let these few callous people discourage you, white dove. there is a lot of good in the world. your father needs you and the world needs you. please stay.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i wont even look for a lawyer because i have everything i need and just waiting right now... can't sleep, i have to call her like 7;30 am. then after she comes out if she takes dad i am gone. i will sleep then forever..

    i know you don't know half the story of my life but mostly here in the pages here. everytime something good happens or starts to happen to me i get hit with a double wammy blow back at me.

    it is like them saving me from my attempt the last time to enter into this tormet day after day. i can't and won't live like that anymore. this is the last straw.. they take him, i am gone...i give up.. i will simply give up... this time it is quick and effective. it will not harm anyone but me...

    so for now i am just sitting reading and crying because i strongly feel that they will take him and i will enter the afterlife..if it's torment well, heck i am already thru that right now, they take dad and i am gone
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i think i know why the minister said that? because he never really cared for me or he just doesn't think i will. i only hope those words he said to me will knock some sence into his head when he sees me in the obit.. cause like i said, they take him and i am gone, if not then i will still be here..

    it is right now in the hands of that lady that comes out here in the morning. she takes dad then i am dead, she don't then i am still alive. plain and simple.

    i think i will read some of the loved and lost here and kind of read there last words here.. i bet others did not think they were very serious. I know when i found out that my friend from here ( ann ) had died, i myself did not think she was capable to go thru with it. i guess it all comes down to just how much one can take and how very little a push can push you on over that ledge...

    oh well 4 hours till i call her... perhaps 6 hours till my demise...
  6. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    I would fight tooth and nail to get my dad back if he was taken. More devastating then Hurricane Andrew.
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i have nothing left to fight..

    they take him and i am gone.

    What you and most others don't know is that i have been dealing with attacks like these, get something good going for me and some dumb idiot starts something else just to laugh behind my back and watch me cry and squirm, well sometimes in a person's life. one must say stop.. well that is me.. no more attacks toward me i am done.. everytime i try to get out from this hole i am in some idiot pushs me back under. its like i am coming up for air and one is holding me back down... from my age of 15 to now it has been constant with me. i get something good happening in my life and then i get 4 or 5 things bad happen. it never ever stops, and i even had a guy from one church one time tell me that no one ever goes thru hardships all the time, well if i was a bomb i would have long blown up because he is totally wrong at least where my life is concerned. every year and i mean every dang year 1 thing good will happen and 4 or more bad every dang year. there is not 1 year that nothing has happened bad to me. i lost a older brother to a murder, i lost a mobile home to an arsonist and the guy still brags about doing it, i love 2 people who were so much like a father and mother to me that they just decided they did not love me and wanted no part of me. i was arrested for taking a friend to visit some other friend in a jail and did not ask what this friend had in a bag, he told me he had stamps and notebook paper. i believed him and yet he tried to deliver whisky and cigs to someone in jail. i lost a toyota car i had just paid for, still had the drive out tag on it, lost over 3000 dollars i had gotten from the social security board from when my mom died, got a class c felony on my record, screwed up my job and took me a long time to get into the police academy. now i am accused of beating and hurting my dad when i love him so much. i would give my life for him..

    so yeah i get something good every year but i also get a smack down many times more and i give up. this is it. i am thru fighting. people can call me a coward or whatever but i am thru.. they take him iam outta here.. i dont know how they do things over there but here in the united states they can through you in jail if someone says you mistreat someone. they have had 2 people tell them that i hurt dad.. 2 dang people tell lies and they have destroyed my life, because i am thru fighting..they win.. they tell a lie and they will win this time because i give up.. all i can do is tell the truth that i love my dad dearly and let that lady decide my fate because that is what she will do. if she takes there word over mine and takes dad i die..they win. game over...

    so will i go to hell? i don't know..maybe maybe not? but right now every year i go thru hell 4 or more times, an eternity well if that is what is meant to be then so be it.

    if that minister had not of said well its been nice knowing you i probably would fight, maybe? but he says its nice knowing you.. means he doesn't care what i do. it also lets me know that i was never loved. would you tell someone if your a minister that was talking to you and telling you that they are going to die if their dad is taken from them? or would you try talking to them? well he didn't want to talk, he said its been nice knowing you like well bye, well i will say bye to him.. i wonder if he will feel the same way when he sees my name in the obit?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2010
  8. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    I'm not a spiteful person but I do spite some people by staying alive. It really pisses them off that I have made it through all the crap thrown at me.

    You do have lots to fight for. Daily life is a massive fight for many. I am autistic and I do struggle but you can get through this.

    You must challenge EVERY SINGLE STATEMENT that woman makes.
    If she says there is abuse challenge it.
    Make her repeat what she is saying at least three times, this usually sets doubts in personal convictions of people.
    Ask her who she actually is even after she identifies herself.
    Ask the same question over and over again if you dont get the answer YOU want.
    Ask for her superiors contact details and challenge them.
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well i am still here.

    dad is still with me, some dumb idiot told the lady that came out to my house that my house was flithy and that i had dad chained up inside. The lady came in looked at my house then left.

    i tell you one thing if anyone ever takes dad on a stupid false accusation like that which was said about me i will be outta here.. my last post was so real i fully intended to leave if they did take dad.. now if something like dad just dies that will be okay. i will still hurt but it will not be like some dumb stupid goverment officioal taking him from me,. if that ever does happen i will be gone.. i have everything i need. and believe me when i say it because i mean it. they step in and take dad and i will end it..

    but seeing as how he is still with me i am still here.

    oh and when i find out who told that bunch of lies i will take them to court and seu them for everything they got.. they did this to personally inflict pain upon me but paybacks a bit.. if you know what i mean.. lol..
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    glad to hear they didn't take your Dad Susan...what a relief for you.
    have you thought though if they did take your Dad away and you did kill yourself what would happen to your Dad then?
    he would be in some hospital somewhere and you wouldn't be around to even visit him and check to see if he was being treated ok...I'm sure if they did take him away he wouldn't be able to cope with the fact that you took your own life....that would surely kill him too...
    I hope you never have to go through this senario...just a thought..
    take care
  11. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I'm just sorry that yet another horrible set of circumstances has hit you and your family. Ever since I started here you have had one after another as I believe you told me you were dying of cancer about a year and 1/2 ago. I am just happy that you are still here and fighting. Please take care.
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    every year 4 or 5 things happen to me. It has been this way for me for a long time and i often wonder why in the World someone stepped in and stopped me from ending my life back a few years ago? And then i even had a guy from church to tell me that no one goes thru hardships all the time. i tell you he doesnt know a dang thing because i have had things happen to me year in and year out. it never stops for me and i don't bring it upon myself. sometimes i get so sick of people who think they know everything about me yet they don't.. I even had people tell me that i bring all this stuiff upon myself.. yeah right? i really do don't i? The person who did say those things wanted to inflick pain upon me.. and yes it did inflick pain but i have about had it with those who want to inflick pain upon me.. yeah i am still here and like i had told you in a pm a while back i have colon polyps, they are pre cursers to cancer. i have had them removed every year since i founmd out i had them except this year i did not go to the doctor for the colonoscpty because i did not have the money..and no insurance.. in my depressive state knowing they were pre cursers to cancer and my pain i tended to believe other things.

    i will tell you this thou. i am thru getting hurt by others. no more will they ever hurt me. the next time someone inflicks pain i will show them just what i will do.. they might inflick pain but it will be the last thing they ever do to me.. telling the adult protective services that i beat dad up and chained him up and all... oh that made me so mad.. see everytime i try to make my life better some dummy idiot trys to destroy that or take that from me.. but i am going to the police academny now and after that i will get 425 hours of more training and then move on up to the hirer ups like FBI.. CIA, ETC? and then let some dumb idiot try and inflick pain on me..:blink: i will be able to find out who made the phone calls? who wrote letters? etc and then i will make their life a living hell literly! like that saying pay backs a bitc...?

    i already have special friends in both the police department and FBI. I will be able to search their life out and when i find something they did wrong or want to hide i will expose them for what they are... that is within the means by law to do so and believe me i can and will get my payback... It might take me a few years but i will... shades thank you hun, you can pm me you know? i miss our chats.. or maybe meet in chat sometime i can get into chat now!

    IV2010 - Dad said if he got put in he would kill himself, not sure if he would actually do that but he just might. he is terrified of nursing homes, told me they were like a prison. i made a promise to my dying mom that i would take care of dad until he dies and i mean what i said. thanks for the reply
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