I don't know. I may have lost. Depression overwhelmed me while getting something to eat at a diner Monday night. I not only wasted 90% of what I ordered but had to get the check to get out of there before I started crying. I was weeping yesterday morning when I forced myself to get out of bed and go to work. It's the only job I've ever enjoyed and felt competent at in my life but going means living another day, pretending another day, not letting people see it all another day. I don't want that. I don't want to improve. I just want to stop. Today I am at work again but I don't know why. I almost called to resign. Today I have not eaten and have only drunk coffee (which dehydrates not hydrates). I may have lost the fight.