I may literally die from loneliness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by myaccount, Jun 24, 2013.

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  1. myaccount

    myaccount New Member

    Hi everyone! I need some help, and after you read this you will probably know why I need to talk to people on the internet about something this serious. Also keep in mind that english is my third language, so I will make some grammar mistakes.
    So, I've never had a lot of friends, but there have always been 2, maybe 3, that i've considered to be my close/real friends. My family on the other hand have always been very unsupportive and I dont trust them at all or like them much, so Im very depended on having friends.
    But in these past 6 months, i've realized that no one actually likes me, and even these 2 friends that I "have", just genuinely dont care about me. The realization of that made me feel more terrible and devastated than i've ever felt before, and now I just feel so worthless and that I can easily be replaced. Which I am convinced is true, because no one seems to invite me anywhere, and in the lunchbreaks at school my so-called friend is indirectly picking on me, and just undermining me at every chance he gets.
    So I thought to myself that it is stupid to feel this way without doing something about it, so I tried to ask them to watch movies with me, or go out for ice cream, etc. but they were always too busy, or told me that they'd get back to me, but nothing happened. This made me feel very depressed (I dont know if I was legitimately depressed, but there were two weeks where I felt so extremely down. It felt like the worst kinds of emotions i've ever had combined and intensified so horribly. I imagine that this is what it might feel like being depressed. This is where I started considering suicide to be an option out of this.)
    This stopped when I went on a school trip to Germany. I got to know this guy and we hit it off and started talking a lot during and after the trip. This got my hopes up SO much, because he was the only one that I felt like actually enjoyed my company, and getting a new friend just made me so very uplifted and thrilled! After the two weeks of emotional hell I had experienced, this was like the best thing that could happen to me.
    Now it has been some 1,5 month after the trip, and I feel like he is getting bored with me and that I am way too clingy. I just realized this because he has a lot of friends, and I only have him, so I might have been coming too strong.
    We hung out this thursday, and he hasn’t answered my texts since, and it has been 4 days. Also because that the summer vacation has just begun, I cant really see him or any of my other schoolmates regularly. I shouldn’t take it so hard, but I feel like Im going back to the the ”depression” feelings, and I don’t think that I can take it. This is where the suicide thoughts are relevant, because they are coming back. I dont feel like I can go through with it, but it may change.
    Having to live with a family that are so horribly unsupportive, and also extremely religious, makes this so much harder to deal with.

    - Izzie
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Hello Izzie and welcome to SF. I am sorry for the loneliness that brings you here but hopefully you will find many people that understand that feeling and can help you deal with it. It is early in the summer still so hopefully your friend will see his way back into regular contact with you soon and in the mean time you can look into activities to be around or meet other people maybe?
     
  3. themute

    themute Active Member

    Hi Izzie. Not having friends or people to connect with might be one of the hardest things to go through. It's something I've been going through as well for a while, so I understand how intensely it can make you depressed. Are there any camps/clubs/sports/activities you could join for the summer? In many places there are support groups for people with depression, and some of these support groups are made just for teenagers and young adults, so maybe you could see if this exists in your area? At least in that situation there will be people who understand how you're feeling. I hope everything gets better <3
     
  4. John B

    John B Active Member

    Izzie, I could definitely relate to your situation but I need more information to fully understand everything you’re going through. Typical behaviour for young adults and teens is to target individuals that appear to be the weakest in a group. More information is required on prior social relationships. A loss of peers with an unstable home situation would result in the development of abandonment issues which would explain the clingy, over attachment behaviour. The best way to view your situation is to understand that there is an emotional bond that existed between humans; parents and children, between siblings and among friends. Whatever your home situation is may explain that bond not existing between yourself and family members. The loss of what you assumed were friends would cause an emotional disconnect in that area as well. Those two events would cause a subconscious over attachment to anyone that displayed interest in you and not being aware of what’s going on within the mind and body may cause more harm than good. Talking to someone that understands you’re situation should help, but sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes one may need to hold someone that fully understands the situation and get the physical and emotional reassurance that they’re not alone and that they can move forward with their life. Let me know if this helps in any way.
    -I do not know enough to have a valid opinion.
     
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