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I maybe have ptsd

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Khvde, Apr 9, 2016.

  1. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Hi. I am new here. This is the second thread I started, I guess.

    I am starting to suspect I have some degree of ptsd. I think about the same bad events that happened in the past and worry if similar things will happen in the future.
    I try my best to avoid any triggers and if i get triggered, i end up in a bad place emotionally.
    I know i have adhd and depression and residual social phobia but thats all that i am diagnosed with.
    I had a violent father and also was bullied by boys in high school. Specially because I wasnt attractive. (high school bullies)
    I am also a lesbian but it is because i am sexually attracted to women not because of my problems with males.

    Anyway I have strong disgust for males now and I try my best to act like I dont. I have it when they stare at me in places. Or when they try to hit on me even though I show that I am not interested or when they act bitter and hostile when I dont say ok to them.

    I hate their sexism homophobia ableism ageism racism. I hate their strong efforts to make people who arent like them second class person.

    I dont even want to leave the home some days because i dont want to see some males' disgusting faces and stares.
    I hate talking to males because they say stuff like men are smarter than women or women gossip but men dont or womem should look after a family. I just want to puke on their faces.
    Fading_Awayy and CandleLight like this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hello Khvde, welcome to the forum, I'm sure you'll like it here and find the people to be friendly, accepting and supportive. I'm sorry to hear how you've been treated in the past and at school, here at least you have a safe place to be yourself and you will find support. I've only been here for just over a month and it's been a life saver for me, I suffer from depression too, also anxiety and panic attacks to the point that I was suicidal. The fine people here have helped me so much and I know they'll help you too. Anyway, just wanted to say hello and welcome and if I can ever help you please feel free to message me. :)
    Khvde likes this.
  3. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Thank you Brian. :)
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Hello Khvde, I can relate to you a whole lot. I even posted to a Facebook group about how men often upset me. I don't know if you have heard of the term "toxic masculinity", but it's worth a Google search. This can be a very harsh world, I know. Especially for those of us who are LGBTQ+. But you have inner strength! You have been through a lot and are still here. That's really worth something. I hope you continue to write and share your experiences.
    Brian777 and Khvde like this.
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi khvade. I'm sorry for what you've been through. And I too can relate. I have a fear of men as part of my (still un-diagnosed) PTSD. My boyfriend is teaching me that not all men are horrible. Before I met him (as in days before) I had decided I didn't want to ever date a straight man again... (I'm pansexual). but yeah... it's a steep learning curve for me to trust him. It can be difficult when you've been hurt by men to trust them. Not all men are bad though.

    I have to agree with CandleLight, especially after having talked to you; you have a lot of strength and that is admirable. You stand by who you are. And you should!

    You should talk to your therapist and psychiatrist about PTSD. If they agree with the diagnosis they can help you better.
    CandleLight and Khvde like this.
  6. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Thank you CandleLight and ThePhantomLady, you are the best. :)

    ***I also suspect from toxic masculinity.
  7. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I feel like I can relate to an extent. I'm male, and I've always felt more comfortable around women, and I was harassed and bullied more by men when I was in school. I'm bisexual but more attracted to men, and not to imply that everyone else in the LGBTQ community would feel the same, but I generally don't have to worry about having "impure" thoughts around women, so that's one reason that I feel more comfortable around them. Also, most of the men in my life have been obnoxiously masculine to my standards, and it's like, "I get it--you're a guy. Chill the fuck out." In all seriousness, it's okay to be manly or effeminate, but I can't seem to help how I feel about certain degrees of masculinity, especially when misogyny is a factor.

    Anyway, a significant number of men are indeed homophobic, misogynistic, etc, but that can apply to all genders and identities. I think you have a bad overall impression of men, but you're probably already aware of that at least. All in all, I sympathize with you.
    Khvde likes this.
  8. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Thank you Inanimate. Nice to meet you, here. :)
    Inanimate likes this.
  9. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Your welcome. Nice to meet YOU. :D
    Khvde likes this.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there Khvde, I am sorry you are going through this. Maybe you do have PTSD, maybe you don't but I think it's a good idea to get it checked out as PTSD worsens when left untreated. If you ever want a chat just PM me. I'm with @ThePhantomLady I have a mistrust of men because I have been used and abused but I am trying my best to talk to the ''right'' kind of guys. I don't have much else to share on this topic, just letting you know that you are most definitely not alone in your thoughts. ((hugs))
    Khvde likes this.
  11. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for reaching out to me Petal. I have heavy exams now but when I get rid of them, I would like to talk to you about everything. :)