I met an old friend... should I tell her about my suicidal thoughts?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ordep, Nov 10, 2009.

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  1. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    It was totally by accident. I got in the subway and not 5 seconds after I sat down she passes by me without noticing me. I went after and called her, she was happy to see me and then we got to talk for a while. She knows I'm going through some rough times and asked me how I was doing, but since she was going to an exam and I didn't want to worry her, I ended up downplaying it, but I could see she suspect something was off.

    She really came through when I was going through my 2nd depression (this is the third) but nowadays she's dating this guy and it's impossible to get her to talk to you on normal circunstances cause she's always either in college or with the bf and doesn't make room for anything else on her schedule.

    So I'm kinda divided here. On one hand maybe if she knew how bad I am, she could be the good physical friend I simply dont have these days. But on the other hand she can say I'm just trying to get attention, which I won't deny it's actually true, even tough I just want some friendship outside the internet.

    One thing is certain tough, if I don't tell her, she'll just keep forgetting about me until we meet again in the subway or train.
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could try getting close to her again, the way you were before, before you break the news.

    I am struggling with something similar to this at the moment - do I tell new friends the truth right away or do I wait until they are firm friends and then share the truth about myself?

    I think the best thing to do is wait until that person is the person you HOPE they are before sharing the whole truth.
     
  3. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    That's exactly where my problem lies. It's extremely hard getting close to her these days as she only has time for her boyfriend. I tried months ago but when she took days to answer a text message, I just had to give up.

    But I know her since 3rd grade, some 12 years ago. She was always really caring and protective for her friends. The support she gave me years ago was all that kept me from going into suicidal thoughts. But now she's in this serious relationship you need extreme luck to talk to her for any ammount of time and I can't rule out the chance that she changed from the girl I used to know, or maybe not, I dunno... all I know is that we used to talk all the time and now I didn't see her for months, and she seems ok with that.

    I don't think there's a way to be certain here, but on one hand my current lonely life is killing me, but getting another "piss off" from someone else might just be overkill for me...

    What a mess...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2009
  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    In my opinion if she a good friend & she like yiu...she will talk to you without tilling her...so you dont need to do it...you can have many other ways to let her your frind without that...and like you said she already know that you going in rough time...and maybe after you be back been best friend you can tell here late...let your friendship now be about renion first...I would agree with "Aurora Gory Alice"
     
  5. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I texted her asking how the exam went, that's the least I can do. If she answeres that, there might be some hope, if not, I'm still screwed.

    For now, all I can do is wait.
     
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I think here lies another problem... if you tell her you're currently going through some difficult times, does that mean she will have any less time for her boyfriend and any more time for you now? Will that change anything?
    Or do you think she may be there for you like she was last time, realise you need her right now and see her boyfriend less?

    It could backfire, she might say "Oh I'm really sorry to hear that" and leave it at that. Are you sure you could deal with the hurt?

    Maybe you could befriend her AND the boyfriend? At least then you could potentially have them both and her time won't have to be divided?
     
  7. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I already befriended the boyfriend. The only time I managed to convince her to come with me somewhere she brought him along and we all met later at a music festival. Altough I wouldnt call us buddies, we got along nicely.

    I wasn't going as far as hoping she would spend time with me instead of her boyfriend, I was really just hoping she'd give me some support, even if it was just verbal, by text or internet chat. Just showing she cares. I know that's actually close to what I get here, but I guess it's different when you have history with the person and know her personally, at least for me it seems.

    If she and her boyfriend wanted to take me along to hang with their friend, that'd be great, but it's already more than I was hoping for.

    And no, if she told me something like that, there's no way I could handle that hit, ence my worries with opening up.

    Either way, I think this is already starting to backfire as she's not answering my simple text asking about the exam (and she has cellphone credit, she was texting when we bumped into eachother). I guess she still can answer, but I'm starting to believe she won't...
     
  8. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    I went through the same thing and am still going through it. but it's a bit different. If you feel you should tell her, then tell her if you would like.
     
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