I might as well just fuckin kill myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by impulse617, May 3, 2009.

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  1. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    yea that basically says it all.....I'm in just unbearable pain right now, I honestly don't know how much more of this pain I can take.

    Basically, I lost the one person who meant more to me then anything in the world. She was.....my everything, and now she's gone. No, she didn't die, but she said she no longer wanted to be friends with me or wanted me in her life. And the funny thing is that I don't even know why this is all happening. I mean, I don't even know where this is all coming from. I'll admit, I do have a tendancy to constantly act like people don't care about me, especially her. Maybe thats just from the depression, but me and her have been through a lot together and have fought a lot over the last 2 and 1/2 years that I've known her, but we've always been able to get through it. I guess this time she had enough, I guess you can only push a person so far.....and now she's gone forever.

    It just hurts soooooo bad, I've just cried so much over the last week, I don't know what to do with myself. I know that til the day she dies, she probably won't find anyone who loves her more then I do (maybe someone who loves her just as much, but definetly not more) but I guess that doesn't mean anything to her. I'm the one who has always been there for her the last couple of years, and this is how she treats me??? I guess it was all a lie, I guess I was alone all along, I guess all those times she said that she loved me and that she would always be here for me were just fake......Its just so hard to believe. It doesn't even seem real, it feels like a nightmare that I just won't wake up from.

    In case your wondering, me and her never went out, we were just friends. Of course I always liked her as more then a friend, and she knew it, but she always only saw me as just a friend. As hard as it was to be just a friend to her, I could live with that, but not having her in my life at all......I don't know how I'm gonna be able to go on without her.

    No, I'm not obsessed or anything, I have a whole bunch of other shit going on in my life right now as well, this isn't the sole reason that I want to kill myself. However, it is most of it, its really the final straw. It's just.....letting go of someone you love is the hardest thing in the world to do, and I just don't think I'm gonna be able to do it.

    I'm sick and tired of being betrayed by people and losing the people that I love, I just can't take it any more, I wanna die so fuckin badd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ughhhhhh I've made up my mind.....I know what I have to do.....I know its for the best. Life just isn't worth it anymore, maybe the world is better off without me. I mean I can just picture what it would be like after I'm dead, just a bunch of people acting like they actually care, when deep down, there happy that I'm gone. I could die today and no one would even care, I bet no one would even shed a single tear despite the fact that I'm the one who loves them more then anything.....so why stay???

    I've made up my mind.....I know what I have to do
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't do it. I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. Things can get better though; as long as you're still alive, there's hope.
     
  3. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your concern butttt.....there is no hope. Things just aren't going to get better, she's always going to hate me, I'll never have her back in my life again. I just regret so much all those times I told her that she didn't care about me, cuz now I REALLY see what it feels like to have her not care. I just wish I could of cherished all the good moments that I had with her....I guess I took it for granted, I guess I just figured that she would always be there. I guess you never really know what you have til its gone

    Nothing in my life is going to get better....this is just something that I have do. I can't stand being hated by all the people that I loved....I'd rather be dead.
     
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I feel I'm in danger of losing the one person I love, too. And I don't have any other friends. I'm in my 40s and it's hard to find people -- the older you get, the harder it is to find friends.
     
  5. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    well its been a couple of days and things just aren't getting better.....she has a lot of other things going on in her life so I'm probably the last thing on her mind even though she's the only thing on mine.

    I just really don't know what to do with myself.....I'm in such unbearable pain, I want to die so bad
     
  6. kerplunk86

    kerplunk86 Member

    Dont we all
     
  7. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    I lost the love of my life back in 2003. She didn't die, she dumped me after 2 years. The thing is that she lived in Japan and I live in the Pacific NW. Out of that 2 years we probably only saw one another 8 months, at best.

    It has been about 6 years since I have heard from her, but sometimes I can't help but think of her. It used to be really bad and I'd have reoccurring nightmares about her rejecting me. I have had a few really cute girls since her, but no one can replace my ex, unfortunately. I wish I could die because I can't stand being without her and it won't get better. I'm utterly alone and destined to live a loveless life.

    I did not take the loss of her very well (understatement). Actually, I have destroyed myself emotionally and physically because of it. I am not even kidding when I say that my life is ruined because of it. Anyhow, I just want you to know that I think I have an idea what you're going through, and even though you were not BF/GF it's still a great loss.

    My personal advice: don't contact her. If she misses you and wants to be a part of your life she will call. If you try and contact her it might just drive her farther away. Try to keep busy. Talk to people, etc. I know it's easy for me to say though and I'm very anti-social.

    Sorry to hear it and good luck.
     
  8. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Isn't it such a sad story. You are just at the beginning, you get used to it.
     
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