I might do it tonight.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by andingo, Feb 8, 2010.

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  1. andingo

    andingo Member

    I think tonight could finally be the night my suffering comes to an end. My family should all be in bed by 12, so I'll just wait till 2 am and then leave the world in a peaceful, pleasant way. In the past I've been too scared of brain damage (I'm using xxx) but why? When I'm dead it won't matter. No one has ever cared about me at all. No one has ever supported me in anything I did. I'm always the one supporting everyone else but no one ever gives that back to me. People always betray me; I hear people I thought were my friends talking about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them, all the time, saying horrible things about me. I don't know who I am and I don't know who I want to be. If my life were magically perfect starting tomorrow the memories and regret and sorrow would still haunt me for the rest of my life. No one loves me. No one would be really sad. My dad said he wants me to commit suicide. My mom said it would make her life a lot easier. People I thought were my friends all threw a huge party and didn't invite me. It brought back feelings of when the girl I had lunch with every day for a year didn't invite me to her birthday. She invited people I knew she didn't even talk to. And the people I thought were my friends then all went to the mall and didn't invite me; I realized that they had never really considered me their friend. It's like the same story over and over again. I try to support people and they just walk all over me and don't even think anything of it. I want to do something and never can. Humans just disgust me in every way possible. They want to think of themselves as good without actually being good. They bully others just so they can feel better about themselves. They won't sacrifice a little convenience to save hundreds of animals. I'm not compatible with this world and I don't want to be... it's sickening! And that's just the surface. So yeah, I'm going to go tonight. I was going to wait because I didn't want people to blame the drug I'm on and look past all of my legitimate reasons to kill myself but who gives a damn anymore. People will find their own reasons and believe what they want to. Whenever I was young and was wronged or hurt my mom would simply shrug it off as, "Oh, you must be hungry." Fucking bitch! But that's how it's always been. If I'm upset for a real reason I must just be hungry or tired or it must just be a side effect of some drug I'm taking. This is more than I planned to write so I'm going to stop now.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2010
  2. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    NO! Let me read the rest of this so I can make a better reply, but DONT END IT!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think you will hurt your family more than you know. I think if you are feeling this down then go get help Get out of the enviroment you are in and get someone who does care to help you. Call crisis the hospital that way people will finally see the pain your in and you will get help to heal. Depression is treatable so get help okay start healing
     
  4. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    keep writing, keep posting, keep talking to people. you never know, ranting could help. I've been here a lot longer than i thought i would be and i have similar relationships to you. how old are you? :hug: though i'm just a stranger, take care of yourself, yeah?
     
  5. andingo

    andingo Member

    Both of my parents have explicitly stated that they want me to commit suicide. I can't get out of the environment. I can't go anywhere. I can't drive. Not legally anyway. I am 17.
     
  6. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    please dont do it! we all care here. I CARE. I will be your friend, a real friend that will not betray you. I will be the one you can confide in. I will be your lifeline. I will help you find something worth living for. WE ALL WILL. we just need time. PLEASE talk to us more...let us try to help! you would not be here if you did not want help...
     
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Why not go into chat and talk to someone? big hugs, J
     
  8. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    keep talking. you will find people here you relate to. i'm the same age as you, its very confusing at this age. too much happens at once. and i'm in a similar place with my parents. there are a lot of very nice people on here who will listen. i will. anytime.
     
  9. andingo

    andingo Member

    Thanks... I'm not leaving until 2 am anyway. But I just wonder what is my future? None of the realistic possibilities seem at all pleasant. Humans are selfish, violent animals and it's sad that we are the ones with the technology as we use it to destroy and hurt.
     
  10. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    we are the ones with the technology because we are the ones intelligent to support it. and not all of us are selfish, etc. thats why we are here....to help you realize that we do care.
     
  11. CloudCatching

    CloudCatching Well-Known Member

    Sometimes parents can be finicky people, they say things they down right don't mean until it's too late to realize they've actually hurt the one they love. Some people just don't realize what they're doing until it's pointed out to them bluntly or just thrown in their face- As in how your 'friends' are acting that might be the case.

    Humans aren't all cruel, though there are the ones who abuse the right of being higher on the food chain. The other half- or maybe even quarter are the ones that go out of their way to do something nice, change something in their lives and others. The ones that actually care about other people.

    You should give it more thought, reconsider and think all your options through.

    As people above me has said. We want to help, to hear you rant/vent/whatever you need to do. Please talk to us
     
  12. andingo

    andingo Member

    Intelligent enough to create the technology, stupid enough to use it to destroy and cause pain to others. That's the worst possible combination and nothing to take pride in.
     
  13. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    :hug: morals are a bit much for me at 4 am but what do you think is after life? what do you think you're going to?
     
  14. andingo

    andingo Member

    Non existence. I believe that when you're dead you're dead. There's no after life.
     
  15. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    How does it make you feel to know you'll be nothing anymore?
     
  16. andingo

    andingo Member

    Euphoric. I'm already nothing, this would just end the pain of being nothing. Whenever I imagine suicide I am overcome with joy at the idea of finally exiting this world.
     
  17. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    :hug: i can't tell you not to as such as i'm probably off tonight too. have you ever attempted before?
     
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