I think tonight could finally be the night my suffering comes to an end. My family should all be in bed by 12, so I'll just wait till 2 am and then leave the world in a peaceful, pleasant way. In the past I've been too scared of brain damage (I'm using xxx) but why? When I'm dead it won't matter. No one has ever cared about me at all. No one has ever supported me in anything I did. I'm always the one supporting everyone else but no one ever gives that back to me. People always betray me; I hear people I thought were my friends talking about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them, all the time, saying horrible things about me. I don't know who I am and I don't know who I want to be. If my life were magically perfect starting tomorrow the memories and regret and sorrow would still haunt me for the rest of my life. No one loves me. No one would be really sad. My dad said he wants me to commit suicide. My mom said it would make her life a lot easier. People I thought were my friends all threw a huge party and didn't invite me. It brought back feelings of when the girl I had lunch with every day for a year didn't invite me to her birthday. She invited people I knew she didn't even talk to. And the people I thought were my friends then all went to the mall and didn't invite me; I realized that they had never really considered me their friend. It's like the same story over and over again. I try to support people and they just walk all over me and don't even think anything of it. I want to do something and never can. Humans just disgust me in every way possible. They want to think of themselves as good without actually being good. They bully others just so they can feel better about themselves. They won't sacrifice a little convenience to save hundreds of animals. I'm not compatible with this world and I don't want to be... it's sickening! And that's just the surface. So yeah, I'm going to go tonight. I was going to wait because I didn't want people to blame the drug I'm on and look past all of my legitimate reasons to kill myself but who gives a damn anymore. People will find their own reasons and believe what they want to. Whenever I was young and was wronged or hurt my mom would simply shrug it off as, "Oh, you must be hungry." Fucking bitch! But that's how it's always been. If I'm upset for a real reason I must just be hungry or tired or it must just be a side effect of some drug I'm taking. This is more than I planned to write so I'm going to stop now.