I might know what i have to do. dont know how to do it.

Discussion in 'Strategies for Success' started by cole624, Jun 17, 2014.

  1. cole624

    cole624 Member

    ok so i already posted the gist of this in the relationships forum, but didnt get any advice so i figured it could go here as well.

    so here's the skinny of it. i have my sob story like everybody else but since i already posted it ill skip it. ( but if you are interested http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?134098-my-sob-story ) so anyways im still miserable, but i figure it might just be im lonely, ive always been a dependent person, though didnt realize it till recently. so i guess maybe if i get myself out there i might be a little happier, find a girl, even if i dont love her like i did the last one, just somebody i can be with. only problem is, is that pretty much ever since i started even liking girls ive either been with that one or crying over how she isnt with me anymore. so here is the deal: i want a girlfriend but dont know how to get one. tried the online thing (just like reality only you get rejected at the speed of internet lol), just turning 20 so i cant get into bars, i work 50-65 hours a week so i dont have a lot of time on my hands and what few women there are at work are at least 10 years older (i work construction you see) and im not into the cougar scene. so im just asking advice on where to look and how to strike up conversation without looking like a fool, or creepy. so yeah some feedback would be much appreciated :)
  2. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    I'll give two different sets of advice cause I have mixed opinions on the issue.

    My first advice would be to not try and get in a relationship right now. With myself, and a massive chunk of people on this site, one of the number one things that have been a negative catalyst is relationships that went sour in some fashion. Unless you're wanting something a little more serious or at least open to the potential of something more serious, it's really not worth it. Eventually, either you or the other person is going to want more, even if it starts out as something very casual, and then it just will get complicated. You're very young anyway, I would just say try to enjoy your life being young and single. I wasted a lot of time and money between the ages of 18-26 on relationships that were pointless, and time and money are things you don't get back.

    That being said, if you still really want to meet people, there are a lot of avenues. I would suggest finding something you enjoy that you can get involved in. This might be some type of church group, or a bowling league, or inter-mural sports, gym membership, book club, etc... Just something that you know both men and women will be involved with. This way, you start off with some kind of common interest. The online thing is real hit and miss. I've never personally done it, but I know a lot of people who have tried and it's not really been the greatest experience for them. They've had dates, but a lot of their dates have been real flaky or sketchy. A lot of places have this thing called "speed dating" that is good for getting singles to meet in person. Since you can't get into bars, a really good alternative is coffee shops.

    As far as striking up conversations, I think the best way to start is to act like you're trying to make a friend, rather than find someone to date. This mentally takes the pressure off and allows you to act more yourself. Start asking questions to see if you have anything in common. When you're first getting to know a girl, don't dominate the conversation either. Make sure to be a good listener. In my experience, women like men who have a job, don't talk too much, are confident, and are nice but not creepy nice. Sounds like you already have several of those qualities.
  3. cole624

    cole624 Member

    definitely appreciate the advice, ill probably look for a book club around where i live.