I might not survive if all goes to plan.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, Nov 13, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    God has given me a sign, I'm sure of it. He's told me how to end it, what I need to use, the cult I need to copy I have 2 of the 3, the day was the same day I was raped, the day is the day I have decided to end my life.

    18th November 2007. I will rest in peace. I can't see my counsellor as my purse was stolen I therefore don't have enough cash to see her, I have told her. So I won't be seeing her. I needed to, and know she might be able to help me, but this is gods way off saying its time to rest.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    God may of given you a sign, but it is only the demons that are pushing you towards suicide. I'm sorry to hear that you can't make your counsellor because you recognize that she could help. You can always "talk" to the people in here. Sometimes they work better than your counsellor because they are all at or have been at the same place you are now. You have several days before it all ends. So pleeeaassse talk to some of the members here and let them help.
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I have tried, but no1 understands me, either they don't believe me or they find me annoying, or both or something else. I don't know,I'm used to it anyway.

    Talking won't help will it, it can only help if the person understands and I've tried here, and no1 does.
    Sorry. my heads in bad way.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well, you haven't tried me. I've been suicidal for going on 5 days now. The only thing that has kept me here, is talking to the others. It hasn't stopped my need to commit the deed, but it has bought me some time. So start writing. We won't know if it helps until you try. Willing to take a kick at the can if you are.

    I come from a large family so chances are yuo can't say anything that I would find unbelieveable.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2007
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    If I told you I hear a childs cry, I see a child, but the child isn't here, I hear me as a younger person shouting "get off me", over 24 hours the noises hasn't eased, the images haven't faded.

    I am now refusing to take my anti-depressants, there is no point anymore.

    To live is evil..to die would be peaceful. Ppl don't seem to understand, I've tried to reach out, I've tried to be open, but it doesn't matter. There is no help. ppl are bored off me, I'm bored off me. I'm bored of feeling depressed, I'm bored of the reminders, I'm bored off life. I don't want this anymore. I will see my mother for the last time and then take my life. I don't see it as suicide, but as breaking free from the chains.
  6. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I beleive and undertsand you Jody and you know it. You never annoyed me, bored me, ad did and still try to be there for yuo. You feel wors after the rip off purse few days ago, feel unsafe etc.... and you wnt to fam. dinner was the cherry on the cake no? now the overwhelming is hitting you full blow.

    Jody, all here are depressed so if for a day or two a person you thougt you cont on does not reply or look on you doesn'0t mean they gave up or have nuff of you, but that they are having hardship of their own and need time for themselves too..... at times it is just too much for us too but dost mean we dont care or dont luv you anymore hunny.

    Some stories are harder to believe not because it is not possible but because none can even start to imagine that such evil events and peple can hit a signle person in a life time.

    :hug: stay safe plsssssss
  7. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    lost child
    I believe you and understand we have talked many times and can talk many more times, this is not a sign just a coincedence hun, please dont give up now u cn do this pm me or ill look out for you on MSN
    Lets talk it does make a difference all be it small, but one small step at a time hun

    hugs xxx
  8. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    ah Lost Child

    I followed a link here from one of your earlier posts, the one on Dissociation.

    I can't even begin to understand the hurt you must be feeling, and can offer no advice. But I want you to know that your DID post is really helpful for me, and that in some strange way I find my life has become enriched because the world has you in it. Even though we have never met, and live on opposite sides of the globe.

    thank you for taking the time to post the DID Posting

  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry just feeling very insecure at the moment. I am pushing everyone away, I'm scared of seeing someone, having something happen again..hee send me a text monday last week..if he see's me he will do it again, he warned me he would, every year until the day I die he will come after me, I can't deal with it, I can't deal with it. sorry sorry sorry:cry:
  10. no need to apologise hun, just please please stay safe hun x
  11. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    If I could change your world for you I would

    please, never be sorry
  12. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Ive said it before you have always stood out to me with your whole story. I hope your ok and will be ok for a very long time.

    Please stay safe, dont let your daemons wins.

  13. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Thank you being understanding and not shouting at me.

    today I've spent most of the day in bed..thinking, looking, thinking, smoking, thinking..I've sat there fighting the urges to take all the pills I have and I have even more as a friend sent some tablets to me so I have about 250 tablets if not more, plus 200 <Mod Edit-specific info> that I can drink and wash down the other tablets with. I don't know what's stopped me taken them all. I just feel the depression getting darker, the thoughts getting stronger, the urges controlling my mind. I have to decide which way I go, and I have to do it today, tomorrow before its too late.

    Do I stay the victim? do I try to become a survivor and deal with the past, the present or do I call it a day. At the moment I want to call it a day. I really can't promise that tomorrow I will still be here at the moment, the urges are getting to strong I have been fighting them, but the silence has now taken over and I feel empty..with just the demons running around me.

    :cry: yes I'm scared that today could be my last, yes I need help but I don't where to turn. I guess if its the end of the rollercoaster for me, I won't ever know as I will be dead.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2007
  14. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    don't say sorry for that. I wish I could sort the bastard out, words can't describe scum like that. Is there anywhere you could escape to for a while? I know that might not be possible, but no-one should have to face stuff like this. Here if you need me.
  15. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Thank you Riverbank, I want to go away..I'm meant to be going to my parents this weekend but its just moving from one problem to another. I just don't know what to do. I feel stuck. I just can't escape. I can't escape anyway. I don't know what I have to do to be safe anymore. I give up I really do. I just want to sleep forever and never see another person, or hear another cry, or remember anything else. I'm done in.
  16. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're going through such hell. I've had similiar experiences myself. I hope you can find the strength to go on...
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