I miss em

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by gothic_spleen, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    Not that anyone will read this....but atleast i can let it out.

    I have been reflecting on the several friends who have commited suicide, i miss em very much. I get to thinking of the friend who i met here, who lost his battle. I get to thinking of my friend who od'ed in my arms. I miss them so much.

    The friend that I met here, he would stay up all hours of the night with me talking/chatting, helping me sort out my mess. Even tho we were seperated by the atlantic ocean, and six hours of time difference, he still managed to help me. And i couldnt help him. Ive read internet news articles of what happened and I have cried. If I had shut up would he still be with us.

    I miss my friend Marcus who could make me smile in the worst of times. The person who i trusted with anything. The person that died due to my ill decision to use drugs.

    Sry guys i just need an exit, a vent, I just miss my friends.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    As we have talked before gothic, Marcus was not your fault. We all make our own choices. I know how deeply you were hurt when he died. It has continued to eat away at you over the years. You need to free yourself from the survivors guilt. The friend we both lost from here was not do to anything you did either. There were circumstances beyond what the internet says that you may not have known. He was an incredible person that just couldn't hold on anymore. He tried for a long time and he fought hard. Again that choice was his and no one elses. He would not want you to take the guilt for him. I am glad you posted gothic. I hope you feel at least a little better because of it. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Please dont ever be sorry for sharing your pains and emotions here. Hun I'm so terribly sorry for your losses. Both appear they were very close and personal for you. In some cases, time has a way of lessening the feelings you are having. Sometimes it takes more like therapy or a support group. And sometimes it just takes letting it out and sharing with people that care like here. I hope that you can release the feelings of guilt you are harboring and with it all the what if's. Hold on to all the good memories and let the others disappear.