I miss her... no goodbyes.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Broken Dream, Jan 16, 2008.

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  1. Broken Dream

    Broken Dream Member

    Hi.... My girlfriend just... forgot about me.

    We had been together for 9 months before she left. But we were still "together". We got to see each other about every 2 months, but recently we havent been getting along.

    Well just 2 days before my birthday we spent a night together, then she said she had to go home and i dropped her off. She said she would call in 30 minutes... so i waited, and waited, and waited... then i ran out of stuff to do and figureing she was just caught up in something got a hotel room as i was 400 miles from where i live.

    But the call never came, my birthday came and went, i saw her on MSN a few times but she ignored me and signed off... we both knew things were shakey, but she could have said goodbye. Its been about 10 days now.... Im so heartbroken.

    I dont think i could handle it.. Execpt Im bipolar and take lithium. A side effect of the lithium some people get is called "emotional flattening". Which means I know im happy, but i cant feel it. Or in this case, I know im miserable, but i cant FULLY feel it.

    I sit around doing nothing ALL DAY, barely eat, ect... everything one would expect... but i cant cry... i wish i could.

    For everything to make sense, Id have to tell every aspect of our relationship... So many twists and turns... Ive done terrible things to her... She did pretty awful things to me. But just disappearing, its so mean....

    I dont think im a danger to myself, because im just so BLAH... But I think about it all the time.... I miss her so much.
  2. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    alot of things were left unsaid and questions unanswered. only thing i can see doing is the next time you see her on MSN, send her a message and say whatever you need to say. hopefully she answers. she may or may not say what you want to hear, but at least you will get the answers you seek and lay your mind at rest..good luck..
  3. Broken Dream

    Broken Dream Member

    She wont answer.. I wrote her many emails untill the last one, telling her how i feel, that i wish she had said goodbye and that i would leave her alone, which i intend on doing.

    Im just really confused, upset bye it all... I could never do this to her, and she knows it.
  4. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    I completely understand your situation. My fiancee dumped me out of the blue for no good reason. The thing is, even if you get her to answer your questions, it won't give you the closure you need. You'll keep wondering why it would happen to you. Because you obviously didn't do anything to deserve this. Probably the best thing to keep in mind is that someone who really cared about you wouldn't do this to you. You deserve MUCH better than what she did to you. And you will find someone that treats you how you deserve.
  5. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    Weird, I have the same thing. I can't cry either. What the hell is with that? I've been through so much shit in my life and not cried since, well I can't remember. And ask for girlfriends, I was put through shit by my ex, and after I broke up with her, part of me still misses her, even though I know shes bad for me (the bitch lol) wow i dont even know what im replying to, yeah thats just my little input there.
  6. Broken Dream

    Broken Dream Member

    Yeah.. Shit. I dont know. Time isnt makeing it any easyer... If anything it made it worse.
  7. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    what u mean?

    i broke up with my girlfriend about 4 months ago, was with her for about a year, knew each other for about 5 years. I didnt think about her at all untill she decided to contact me, its a long process i think, but soon they vanish from your mind as other things interest you.
  8. Broken Dream

    Broken Dream Member

    After she left, we were still together for 6 months before this happend. I just really miss her. To make it worse, the "time limit" has run out. Even if she did call tonight and say whatever, its to late for us. I guess thats what sucks the most. A few days i could deal with, even with ignoreing me in a strange city and not calling on my bday. But now... I dont think so.

    She was suppose to be my wife....
  9. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, how you feel is exactly how I have felt, too. And for me, time has only made it worse as well. It's the reason I joined this forum. Feel free to message me. It'd be nice to talk to someone with similar feelings.
  10. Broken Dream

    Broken Dream Member

    Yeah, its the reason i joined as well. The one little bit of hope that keeps me from going out is this. Before i met her, i was so so misserable for about 4 years. I had met other women, but i never really cared for them. I hated my life. I thought of killing myself all the time, not for one reason, just sheer, general misery.

    Then after we met, i remember there was a day when i was thinking back, and I was SO VERY GRATEFULL i hadnt taken my life. When I wanted to die, I never knew i could be so happy. Never knew she exsisted, never really knew what it was to love.

    So I keep thinking, who else is out there, that ill just bump into out of the blue. Id better wait another week, lol.

    I guess ill never meet anyone locked inside the house I built for us, which she never got the chance to live it by the way, but thats besides the point.

    aaahhhhh.... god people, love hurts.
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