I miss her

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ensenada, Mar 10, 2007.

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  1. Ensenada

    Ensenada Member

    My girlfriend of 10 years finished me at xmas. She left me a wreck giving me stupid excuses, blaming me. till i got the truth out of her. she has changed because she got this new job...she worked in the same office on her own for 8 and a half years. she never drove and two summers ago got a new job and started driving. since then her attitude changed. she became more independant and felt her freedom. we lived together for two years in her parents house, which didnt help. she never had her own space.

    But i cant let her go, although we will probably still see each other as friends once i have got over the break up. but I loved her more than live. she is beautiful inside and out. we were so good together. i thought we would be togther forever. i was going to ask her to marry me this year.

    I cant stop thinking about her and i cant let her go. I miss her so much and constantly dream of her, waking up crying. I had some weeks off work through depression. its her birthday this week and i bought her fave perfume.
    How could romeo survive without his juliet? I have seriously considered killing myself..but always thought i was stronger. but i dont want to live with the pain its too much. she is out tonight with mine and her girl friends for her birthday and i cant even talk to her at the moment. I love her so much...life since xmas has been a living nightmare. i feel as though i am just existing. i got to the gym alot now...trying to change myself into someone i cant recognise. its the only relief i get. i live with my parents again and my dad is a prick. my mum is bed ridden and my bedroom got destroyed by wind and rain after xmas.

    My life is unrecognisable and I am seriously considering ending it because i dont want to be happy without her and dont want to let her go. can anyone help? i feel such despair.
     
  2. Damn. I don't understand how you could cope with that. I know how horrible it is to be broken up with someone you are in love with. It hurts so much, especially when they use stupid excuses for their reasoning. I can't say I'll be of much support to you, since I'm planning to end my life very soon, if things don't improve, though, I hope you are able to somehow get back together with her or find another girlfriend soon. Take care.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    It's 5 months for me since my 10 year marriage ended.
    He too used all sorts of excuses and quite frankly made a terrible situation into an emotional holocaust.
    IT GETS BETTER!!! Expect 1 step forward 3 back for a while and the sudden tidal wave of misery that hits out of nowhere, but it does get easier..truly.
    I spent an humungous amount of time in chat(here on SF) in the early days, have made some wonderful friends here and I truly think they have saved my life and sanity..(You know who you are guys:biggrin: ).

    Keep busy, do things that please and amuse you. Like you, I feellike my life is unrecognisable..guess that means its time we built new ones.

    my msn is in my profile if you ever need a chat.
     
  4. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    Its true what they say. Time does heal all wounds. But I dont know if I could endure the time between the break up and healing, moving on. It could be months. It could be years. But the agony is so severe, you can only really tolerate it for days. Any longer and your just grinding metal running on fumes. Crying everyday. Miserable. Overwhelmed with guilt and your mind racing. Never stops. The dreams are so cruel. Dreaming were still together. Dreaming she emailed me or called to tell me she loves me. Then I wake up. Makes me not want to sleep. Then there are the nightmares. Vivid. Harsh. Makes you wake up in a sweat, and shaking like your strung out on nicotine. Reliving the break up. Cant function. Seems like falling inlove was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. Because I cant fall out. I gave that person my world and now shes gone and I have nothing left. Gave her too much. Gave her everything. Put too much of my self worth in one person. Depending too much on her for my happiness and well being. Damn. Its hard to believe not having someone in your life cripples you so much it makes you want to die.

    Since she left me, its been torture. Its like being haunted. Cant escape it. Cant watch tv cos someone will look like her or remind me of her. Cant listen to radio cos someone will say her name. Love songs are too painful, the words are too erriely true. I should have learned to love myself first before I fell inlove with her. I bet she doesnt even think of me. I bet she hardly cares. She doesnt even have a idea. She was always happy and carefree. She does deserve better, but she wont find anyone who feels the way I do about her. People kill themselves for so many reasons. I guess dying for love makes more sense than all the rest.

    Oh wait, you asked for help, not my sad story. Well, let me see. I think you need to realize that noone is worth taking your life. You have to realize that your a valueable person and deserve love and deserve someone who is going to feel mutually about you. But I gotta say, 10 years of committment is hard. Its hard enough to find someone to commit 10 months. I think you need to try as hard as you can to think about your life without her and some of the positives that can come of it. What you want right now. The type of person you want to meet. And approaching another relationship differently. Being stronger and more confident. Its ok to fall deep. Just not to the point where you dont know which way is up. So deep that it takes away your own selfworth and self esteem. And putting so much of your happiness in one person. To be able to keep some of that for yourself so that when the worse happiness you have both legs to stand on and wont fall apart because of someoen else changing. And let the woman earn you love and trust. Dont always give it so freely. I hope something I said helped. Wish I coudl take my own advice.
     
  5. Ensenada

    Ensenada Member

    thanks so much for the repilies and help guys. really appreciate that. what you say is true. Its not worth killing yourself over i guess. But its fuckin hard to cope. II woke up this morning, again, in tears...its annoying to still be like this.
    The only comfort i have at the mometn is knowing i will see her as a friend. because she loves me for who I am. she knows i am a genuine, caring, affectionate and funny person. just the week before the break up I had her in stitches I looked forward to her coming home and giving her a big hug and kiss. we were so playful together and that never ended. so it does make me wonder why the hell she would want to end that. but i think its too much living on top of each other..me doing lesson plans on the comp or just going on my comp in her room. that was one of her excuses...too much time on the computer for hobbies etc etc...but i really didnt go on it that much, because we always had our times during the week. ok i might nip upstairs on our night in and go on one of my forums or poker for 20 mins. it never bothered her till later.
    In summer she was sat next to me and she just said she was unhappy. i asked her why because she had just got these new jobs, on loads more money and she could drive now. she couldnt tell me why. but now its seems obvious...she just changed and wanted something different. perhaps her own space/time and because she has never been single...the time to find herself? which she did actually tell me later. i know people can just fall out of love. i have done it before with someone i loved. just wished she hadnt changed. and i hope that when i see her as a friend...whether i cook her a meal or whatever...hopefully she will see the change in me and i will get back under her skin. i hope. since its happened i have lost over a stone and a half and toned up. going to gym all the time. and i will always be considerate to any future girlfriend. not that i was that inconsiderate, just normal ways i guess, till your told to smarten up. even those wernt the reaons i hope we can get really close again in the future and i can get my dream girl back.
     
  6. Ensenada

    Ensenada Member

    thanks i think i will msn you. need as many people to talk to as poss i reckon at the mo. its hard. need to get msn again:smile:
     
  7. Ensenada

    Ensenada Member

    its so true about the love song thing. i never listened to the lyrics before, but there fuckin everywhere now. even my queens of the stone age love songs lyrics are so appropraite for what i am going through.
     
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