I miss my boys and can't live like this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rachel2000, Oct 22, 2011.

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  1. Rachel2000

    Rachel2000 Member

    I left an abusive marriage however my 3 boys the youngest was 15 at the time stayed with their dad. He is from a different culture and they are infuenced by him. They won't speak to me. That was nearly 2 yrs ago and I live with my partner who is wonderful to me. But I can't get over my kids. My eldest son is 20 and is in prison for assaulting my partner. I had such a difficult life in my marriage where I was constantly put down by my husband and two elder sons. But I feel so guilty particularly about the youngest who is 17 now. I feel suicidal all the time. I just qualified as a social worker from uni and have a part time job. I am struggling to keep it all together. I can't get over not being with my kids and can't see the point in life anymore. I just carry on like a robot but I can see the soon I will no longer keep it together and will loose my partber and my job. I am new here. If anyone has had any similar experiences or has had a loss I would like to hear from you
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you did get out of that abusive life hun and in time your sons will realize how kind a mother you were and they will hate their father for all the lies he told Just try to keep intouch with them okay somehow to let them know how much you miss them and wish you could be there for them Your heart aches as any mothers heart would hun but you did good getting away from all that cruelty Focus on you now get some therapy to helpYOU okay heal and to help you move forward okay hugs
     
  3. Rachel2000

    Rachel2000 Member

    Thank you so much it really helped me to read your reply I can't talk to my parents and partner about it too much because I don't want to upset them so it really helped to be able to come on here thx x
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think it would be so hard for your parents as well to loss their grandchildren.
    Perhaps talking may help everyone heal some maybe family councilling with a therapist may help too hun. I am glad you feel safe to talk here and i hope you continue to talk okay and know noone will judge you Even if you write letters to your children and keep them you will have said what was in your heart and when they eventually get to read them they will see the words you wanted to say to them hugs
     
  5. Rachel2000

    Rachel2000 Member

    Thank you for your reply. My parents still have some contact with my eldest boy but not the others. I don't think they would participate in family therapy but I think writing letters is a good idea. Everytime I try to do anything like that though I have so much pain and so much guilt. No one can judge me more than I judge myself because the guilt and pain is unbearable for me. I wish I had never left but the situation was unbearable for me. I really appreciate your support. Thanks
     
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