I miss my daughter...

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by NPNS, Dec 26, 2008.

  1. NPNS

    NPNS Well-Known Member

    Christmas is always a hard time of year for me because it makes me think of my daughter. She's going to be 4 in January. I've not seen her in 3 years.

    I feel like I failed her. On the bright side, I know she's happy. I'd just give anything to see her. It'e tearing me apart inside. Always does at this time of year. I always feel majourly awful in January. I'm not sure why I'm posting. I'm guessing it's because I can't internalise my feelings any more.

    Feel free to ignore this post.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I don't know the reason you haven't seen her in 3 years, but I am sure knowing she is happy comforts you somewhat. You haven't failed her. Sometimes the hardest things for us is the best for them. I can't say in your case since I don't know anything about it. My heart goes out to you as it sounds like you love her dearly. I will keep you in my thoughts throughout this holiday season and the coming month. :hug:
     
  3. NPNS

    NPNS Well-Known Member

    thanks. She was born when I was 14, and her father was a junkie. I know that the best thing for her was to be adopted. :smile: thing is, it wasn't the best for me.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You loved her enough to let her go. What a couragous thing for a young girl to do. Maybe you could start a tradition wherby you do something to celebrate the life you have given her. A friend of mine had a child at a very young age. Each year on her birthday we would light a candle to symbolize the light of her life. Then my friend would write a letter to her daughter letting her know how much she was loved and what had gone on in her life the past year. Then she puts the letter away in a locked box. It never changes the fact that she misses her, but it helps to ease the pain. I hope this might be of help to you. :hug:
     
  5. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    I really feel for you about this. Missing my daughter is how come I ended up here as well. I'd say more here but at the moment am too upset to find the right words. You have my every sympathy.Pm me if you want to chat but on sunday i will be away for a week and not able to reply until I get back. Best wishes.
     
  6. NPNS

    NPNS Well-Known Member

    good idea. I always think about her. I'm 18 now. She lives in Canada with her adopted parents. (I'm drunk, so not sure what I'm saying.) but I miss her so much. I'd give anything to have her back, but I know she's got a better life with them.

    What kills me is that they adopted her and promised me that they would always be close so I could visit her and let her know that I was her mum. But a week after they adopted her, they announced that they were moving to canada.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :eek:hmy: That's awful! Do you have any way of finding her? :hug:
     
  8. NPNS

    NPNS Well-Known Member

    All I know is that they're in Toronto. They won't give me the full address.
     
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Do you know their names?
     
  10. NPNS

    NPNS Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I do. Sue and Peter Matherson. I'm not sure if Jessy will ever find me. I'm in two minds about the whole thing.