I miss you mum

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Patches, Aug 5, 2011.

  1. Patches

    Patches Active Member

    My mum died two years ago, we lost her to scleroderma. She used to be so jolly and plump and full of life, everyone loved her. But when scleroderma took over she lost so much weight, her skin hardened. She could barely open her mouth. And her personality changed. She was angry and upset most of the time, because of the pain she was in. If there was any way that i could have taken her place, I would have. She deserved her life much more than I do mine.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur mom would not see it that way at all hun You live your life in honor of her okay She would want only happiness for you I am sorry for you loss hun i do hope you have had some council ling to deal with the sadness. hugs
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Patches,

    I am proud of you, even though I don't know you well, for loving your mom so much and saying such kind words about her. :hug:

    Stay safe,



    R.I.P. Patches' Mom
  4. Patches

    Patches Active Member

    Thanks guys
    But I really can't help it. I feel so worthless without her, and I cant help thinking that I should've done more. I miss her so much.

    I haven't had any counselling for it. i've tried it before she died but found it patronising and intrusive. I like to keep myself to myself.
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I understand the feeling of therapy being patronising and intrusive all too well. :hug:

    I was in therapy just until I was feeling stable again since the therapy sessions (with different doctors throughout my two years of therapy) have been that way (partly because of my personality and of what goes on in therapy sessions (the way they went about treating me) and because my parents went with me). I felt terrible after each session.. for at least a few days... and when I was feeling stable I did not want to feel terrible a few days after each session and feel like depression is building. If I feel unsafe again though... then I will have to reconsider for sure.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Patches - You mum sounds like a lovely woman.

    Not 'was' - but 'is'.

    Anyhow - God bless - my prayers for you - your mum is safe now and not to worry.

    Here's a nice song by Nick Cave called 'Death is not the End' Kylie Minogue actually sings on it - and lots of others. See it on YouTube maybe if your in the mood to listen to it.

    Here are the lyrics.......

    When you're sad and when you're lonely
    And you haven't got a friend
    Just remember that death is not the end
    And all that you held sacred
    Falls down and does not mend
    Just remember that death is not the end
    Not the end, not the end
    Just remember that death is not the end

    When you're standing on the crossroads
    That you cannot comprehend
    Just remember that death is not the end
    And all your dreams have vanished
    And you don't know what's up the bend
    Just remember that death is not the end
    Not the end, not the end
    Just remember that death is not the end

    When the storm clouds gather round you
    And heavy rains descend
    Just remember that death is not the end
    And there's no-one there to comfort you
    With a helping hand to lend
    Just remember that death is not the end
    Not the end, not the end
    Just remember that death is not the end

    For the tree of life is growing
    Where the spirit never dies
    And the bright light of salvation
    Up in dark and empty skies

    When the cities are on fire
    With the burning flesh of men
    Just remember that death is not the end
    When you search in vain to find
    Some law-abiding citizen
    Just remember that death is not the end
    Not the end, not the end
    Just remember that death is not the end
    Not the end, not the end
    Just remember that death is not the end

    (thanks - Patches - I knew you'd read it all!)
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    so sorry you lost your Mum Patches..
    she will live in your heart forever *hugs*
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, but as a sign of love for her, please be the person she would have been in her honor and know, you did not deserve her suffering...big hugs, J
  9. quanghieu47

    quanghieu47 New Member

  10. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Hi Patches


    (I love your name!) I am so sorry you're hurting and missing your Mum, I know how much missing my Mum hurts and the ache of missing that motherly love, care and nurture. Mum's know us so intimately and the bond of Motherly love makes it impossible to replace.

    I lost my Mum 25 yrs ago and the void is still there and I still miss her so much it hurts BUT please hang in there, she would want you to live, she would want EVERYTHING of the VERY Best for you... you see your missing her so much is a testimony of her Love and care for you! You can't miss what you have never known so I know from what you have said that she loved you and cared with all her heart.

    I am not sure if you want children one day? And although the longing hasn't got any easier, I can tell you that I have experienced the most precious connection with my Mum in loving and caring for my children the way she loved and cared for me... Something wonderful happens when my daughter spontaneously hugs me and says she loves me that I can feel the same love that my Mum had for me... and in that moment I feel closer to my Mum than ever...

    Not easy... what you are going through, but know people care and I hope life will treat you kind, that you'll be kind to yourself and be strengthened enough as I know whatever you do... you'll do your Mum proud!!

    Take care x
  11. Patches

    Patches Active Member

    Thanks a lot you guys, I really appreciate the replies :smile:

    Some days it all gets a bit much, and I can't function. The way the rest of my family acts, not including my sister, it's almost as if they expect me to be "over it" by now...which I don't understand. I've lost a relationship really, and all those future moments that she'll never share. But they don't see that, or maybe I think too much.

    @Mr.Alex, did you find your counsellors overly clinical? Mine lacked empathy, and made me do pointless tasks like drawing a family tree for an entire session. Maybe we just weren't a good match. Might be worth another go.

    @peacelovingguy, lol you're right, I did, then I listened to it and smiled :biggrin:

    @Ditsy, I love your name too, it pretty much sums me up lol. You hit the nail on the head right there, I've always been a mummy's girl, and now she's gone there is a void. I'm really sorry for your loss, but glad to hear that you can give the same love she gave you to your kids.
    As for me having children...I don't think I'm cut out to be a mum, being severely impatient...but that might be a thing that improves over time...if I can wait that long. For now, looking after my niece from time to time gives that same satisfaction, when she smiles at me my heart melts lol
  12. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    To The Ones I Love And Who Love Me:
    ‘When I am gone, release me; let me go.
    You and I, we both have many things to see and do.
    Do not tie yourself to me in tears.
    I gave to you my love and you can only guess
    How much you gave to me in happiness.
    I thank you for the love you have shown,
    But, for now it’s time for me to travel on – alone.

    So, grieve a while, if grieve you must.
    But not for me, only for yourself and
    For the hole my passing has left in your life.
    Then let your grief be comforted by trust,
    And remember that it is only for a while that part we must.
    Bless the memories within your heart,
    And know that no love is ever lost.
    Life is eternal – it goes on and on,
    Not just for you and for me, but for us all.

    You and I can now come closer than we have ever been;
    I shall never be further away from you than a thought.
    If you need me, call and I’ll be near.
    Although you can neither see nor touch me,
    Know that I am there.
    And when you listen inside your own heart,
    You are sure to feel my love too, soft and clear.

    And then, one fine day –
    When you must come this way –
    Alone – I shall be there to greet you,
    With a smile I shall welcome you home.’

    Fr. Pat Lennon
    Edited by Aquarius

    From ‘Comfort for the Bereaved’

    With love and light,