Whenever I talk to you, I find myself near tears. You were unsure about me, and the things you said hurt me. And I know they weren't meant to. Or, actually, I don't know that. Maybe they were meant to. Maybe they were meant to push me farther away from you. I think I have to hold onto that possibility that you didn't mean it, because otherwise I'd go crazy. I can't figure out how to tell you that I miss you. And that I think about you all day every day. I can't figure out how to tell you that I still have a playlist of the songs you showed me, and I found myself watching cartoons you liked too. I know if my therapist was here she'd tell me this is obsession. and to back off. She always did. It's weird to me that I can't figure out how to tell you these things. You've always been so easy for me to talk to. But not about this. I feel like if i said any of this to you that I'd lose you entirely. And I've already come so close to that. So, since I can't say it anywhere else...I miss you. I miss us. Even if you tricked yourself into thinking you cared about me...I'd do it all over again. You meant the world to me. And you still do.