If she's still be alive she'd be 52 now. And eversince the day that would've been her birthday I miss her so much. Of course I've always missed her. but it's grown worse and worse eversince the day that would've been her birthday. I can barely talk about her anymore without bursting out in tears or without having a panic attack or anything like that. I just don't know how to cope with it anymore. I just dont know. I've never missed her as much as now. argh, I dunno anymore. there's just so much going on right now and all I want is to curl up into her arms and tell her about everything that's bothering me and I just can't. Cos she's not there. urgh. How the hell am I ever supposed to be dealing with her death? It's been 18 years and just over 3 months and I'm still not over her. how will I ever get over her?