I miss you ='(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    So it's been over a year since she was stabbed. Yet every single day i think about it to the point where it brings me to tears. Right now im in floods of tears and i'm so glad the person i'm on cam to right now is fast asleep because i'm fed up of letting people see that.

    Miriam was the first person i've truely lost. Yeh i've had people in my family die, a lot but none of them really hit me. None of them felt like ............. death. Maybe cos i was too young at the time?

    I will never forget being told she had been murdered. I will never get rid of the shock i felt. The feeling. The grief. The feeling of being punched in the chest a million times. That feeling is true heart break. Once you've felt that you will NEVER forget it. It will never leave you. It will always be there.

    So i sit here alone, with my tears. Not being able to talk to anyone about it because no one knows what goes on in my head. No one knows what i felt that day. I know i'm gonna get the .... you can always talk to me answer and i appreciate that. I really do but in reality i can't. How can i possibly talk to anyone when theres no one who truely knows me. Knows why i do the things i do. You don't know me and half of you couldn't give a flying fuck about me.

    I want to be able to talk so badly. I'm fed up of not being able to talk to anyone but i can't. I can't let people in because all they do is just screw you over. Yesterday it took all my strength to talk to someone about something that was bugging me. She helped me out a lot but it's still there.

    I don't know what im chatting about anymore .... i really don't.

    I just miss her. A fucking lot.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Vikki,

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    I know I don't know you that well,but I know you are a great warm hearted person and you deserve to have someone there for you,someone you can trust.

    You can always talk to me hun :hug:

    You'll get through this.
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i am so sorry that you have lost your friend in this way

    although i know you think i wont be able to understand what your going through with your situation i do understand the grief and so your always welcome to talk to me.

    your a wonderful caring person from what i can work out who doesnt deserve to be alone with all this pain inside of them :hug:
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I'm sitting here crying. I feel like a fucking fool. I need to stop crying about it. I need it to stop hurting. Fed up. So fucking fed up. Stop crying ffs!! :mad:
  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni


    Cry as much as you need to mate! It's painful at the time but it might help in the long run. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's ok to cry, to feel emotion and to talk about it!

    Time difference is a bitch but I'm here if you need to chat!

    Take care

  6. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry that you have lost a friend in this way.

    i kind of can relate:

    my grandma killed herself when it was the summer before kindergarden
    my grandpa was shot and murdered in a convinence store when my father was 16.

    when i found out about said things, i was shocked.. it hurt
    it still hurts a lot.
    my grandma was my best friend
    and i didnt know the truth until last year..

    but id hate to steal this thread
    i hope you feel better :hug: