So it's been over a year since she was stabbed. Yet every single day i think about it to the point where it brings me to tears. Right now im in floods of tears and i'm so glad the person i'm on cam to right now is fast asleep because i'm fed up of letting people see that. Miriam was the first person i've truely lost. Yeh i've had people in my family die, a lot but none of them really hit me. None of them felt like ............. death. Maybe cos i was too young at the time? I will never forget being told she had been murdered. I will never get rid of the shock i felt. The feeling. The grief. The feeling of being punched in the chest a million times. That feeling is true heart break. Once you've felt that you will NEVER forget it. It will never leave you. It will always be there. So i sit here alone, with my tears. Not being able to talk to anyone about it because no one knows what goes on in my head. No one knows what i felt that day. I know i'm gonna get the .... you can always talk to me answer and i appreciate that. I really do but in reality i can't. How can i possibly talk to anyone when theres no one who truely knows me. Knows why i do the things i do. You don't know me and half of you couldn't give a flying fuck about me. I want to be able to talk so badly. I'm fed up of not being able to talk to anyone but i can't. I can't let people in because all they do is just screw you over. Yesterday it took all my strength to talk to someone about something that was bugging me. She helped me out a lot but it's still there. I don't know what im chatting about anymore .... i really don't. I just miss her. A fucking lot.