I know its been 9 years but it doesn't get easier. I still have regrets for not being a better son. I'm sorry I didn't see you in the hospital. I feel like its my fault you died, like some how I gave you cancer. I feel like I killed you somehow. I really don't know why I feel that way, but I just do. You passed so quickly... Had I known, I would have seen you. I just thought you were sick, I didn't know the pain you were hiding.... I'm sorry you couldn't share that with us. I'm only glad your not hear today to see how I've wasted my life, and how pathetic I am. I'm sorry mom, I still miss you.