I must be inadequate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NorthernLad, Feb 16, 2007.

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  1. NorthernLad

    NorthernLad New Member

    Hello everyone, this is my first time on the forum (so please be gentle with me!)

    I am writing as I have considered ending my life for a while regarding this issue. However, in all honesty I would say that I am probably quite far from the actual act at present.

    I have been unhappily single and celibate for over four years, due to the fact that I have had no luck with women. In fact, I have pretty much deduced that I am so ordinary and lacking in achievement that women cannot possibly find me attractive or be interested in me, not compared to the high standard of other males that live in London.

    I am marginally overweight, not particularly tall and starting to bald (which is less of an issue as I wear my hair very short). I work in a technical IT job (and have had total disinterest and one or two insults from some women when I tell them I work in this field, just as before when I used to be a schoolteacher). I do enjoy it however, and it gives me opportunities (such as foreign travel) that make it unique. However I don't get paid more than the average UK salary, and so do not own a flat or have too many fancy clothes etc. When I discussed this with a female ex-flatmate, she mentioned that it would be hard for me in general as (merely to quote an example) she would never date anyone earning less than £40k ($80k) herself, and neither would her friends (such is the standard of male competition in London).

    In terms of past interest and achievement, I am less than average. I play the guitar at a poor level, am a mediocre sportsman and no artistic sense. I don't write plays or know my red wines. I haven't done the whole backpacking thing around the world that it seems that everyone has done these days. My ability to flirt and speak to women leaves much to be desired, and many of my friends seem to be in the same boat. I think I have a decent personality and could offer a lot, but obviously if I'm not attractive this is not going to help.

    Any thoughts and advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

    Northern Lad
  2. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    Woody Allen suggested going bi--you'll double your chances of a date.

    Which high-standard male Londoners would those be? Prince Charles?

    Yours is an easy problem. Move. IT jobs are far more portable than most, because many can be done remotely.

    Try London, Ontario, or New London, Connecticut. You're currently living in the middle of an extremely expensive city, so it's no wonder you can't afford a slick lifestyle.

    Do you have any idea how far $80k goes in Kansas?

    Even better, Americans automatically think that people with English accents are sophisticates.

    So chin up, no worries, just pack up your troubles in an old kit bag and get outta Dodge.
  3. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the site.....Im glad you have posted and that you found us......being alone is very hard and can become very depressing and I can understand your feelings towards having suicidal thoughts.....do you go out much with your friends? What do you like to do? have you ever tried the online match up sites? Im just tossing some ideas out thier....do hope you feel better soon...will be thinking of you.....Jodi
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    London girl here, born and bred!! Have to say I must be getting old if the only thing that would attract or hold a girl is the size of your wage packet :eek:hmy:

    There are still girls who want a decent bloke, with a good sense of humour who will love and cherish her (there is isnt there girls?). Maybe not saying you're mediocre would pay dividends..peeps are attracted to self confidence (even if you are acting it rather than feeling it).
  5. NorthernLad

    NorthernLad New Member

    Thanks for your views everyone.

    I don't wish to label people as only after money or anything like that. In a sense, people have their standards and money is the most widely accepted level of personal success it seems. One of my female friends from university who grew up in West London used to say, "London is the place where the brightest and most motivated choose to live - if you don't like it than you're not up to the challenge!" I always thought that was a rediculous, arrogant thing to say until I moved here in 2003 and started working in the financial district.

    Actually, it was meeting people through the internet and looking at personal ads that I think got me this way. The personal ads seemed to all want 6ft tall, white, super-fit investment bankers, and the only time I got a reply was when I exaggerated my personal success. I have had only one date that has lasted as far as a second date, so I must have problems. The same female ex-flatmate I mentioned before once described nice guys as "Why would I want just a nice guy? What satisfaction would I get from that? I have my friends to be nice to me!"

    As for moving out, I have considered it but my view is that if I can't find anyone in a city of ten million people then it is probably something to do with me.
  6. Ross PK

    Ross PK Member

    It's the samw for me, I'm 31 and never so much as had a woman show interest in me offline.
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