I think the stupidest thing I've ever done is stay alive when I have no reason to. I can't think of a single reason why I should continue to live. I do plan to kill myself before I turn 30, and it is a solid plan this time. I had deadlines in the past, but people delayed and distracted me. They convinced me that there was so much more to live for, that they cared and they would help me and be there for me. Each person I got to know screwed me over worse than the last. It's not easy to earn my trust, but they did, and they shattered it, every time. I thought they were nice, honest people who really did value me, at least that's the part they played. That has even happened here more times than I can count. Why the hell do I deserve to get treated lower than dirt? All I did was offer my friendship and kindness. Clearly that was not enough, because you had to tear me apart too. So I guess I'm not even safe here, and I have nowhere else to turn. It's stupid that I am open and honest about my feelings and what issues I am facing, to seek help and support, and then it blows up in my face or gets used against me. I would never dream of doing that to anyone else, so again, why do I deserve that? I don't even know why I'm typing this, really. I had reservations about it because I know that no one cares. I have talked about taking my life so many times, and either people don't believe me, or just don't give a damn. Maybe I simply typed this to remind myself of why I am a worthless piece of scum, and why I can no longer carry on with my pathetic excuse of a life. The only thing that stops me is my fear of death, but I really hope that I am able to overcome that soon.