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I must be the stupidest person on earth.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Mar 7, 2014.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I think the stupidest thing I've ever done is stay alive when I have no reason to. I can't think of a single reason why I should continue to live. I do plan to kill myself before I turn 30, and it is a solid plan this time. I had deadlines in the past, but people delayed and distracted me. They convinced me that there was so much more to live for, that they cared and they would help me and be there for me. Each person I got to know screwed me over worse than the last. It's not easy to earn my trust, but they did, and they shattered it, every time. I thought they were nice, honest people who really did value me, at least that's the part they played. That has even happened here more times than I can count. Why the hell do I deserve to get treated lower than dirt? All I did was offer my friendship and kindness. Clearly that was not enough, because you had to tear me apart too. So I guess I'm not even safe here, and I have nowhere else to turn. It's stupid that I am open and honest about my feelings and what issues I am facing, to seek help and support, and then it blows up in my face or gets used against me. I would never dream of doing that to anyone else, so again, why do I deserve that?

    I don't even know why I'm typing this, really. I had reservations about it because I know that no one cares. I have talked about taking my life so many times, and either people don't believe me, or just don't give a damn. Maybe I simply typed this to remind myself of why I am a worthless piece of scum, and why I can no longer carry on with my pathetic excuse of a life. The only thing that stops me is my fear of death, but I really hope that I am able to overcome that soon.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2014
  2. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    Hey there, I just want you to know that I hope you'll feel better. I can relate to these kinds of feelings but don't forget that there are people there for you even if they seem to be mean. Sometimes people say or so things that they don't mean. I don't know you personally but I would never hurt you and I would help you in every way I can...

    So you can't find reasons to live? I have a few for you...

    1. You are loved and appreciated even if you don't know it
    2. You're an awesome person and so kind and nice
    3. You will meet so many people in your life and this will be awesome
    4. It can only go uphill in here, remember that after every rain shower the sun comes out
    5. Love heals every wound after time

  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm sorry you're going through hard times...there are always bad people out there taking advantage of good people like you and make them feel like dirt, it's because most of them are jealous and need to put you down to their level of scumness. But I can see you are a strong person, fight back, don't let them win. You are worth fighting for. And I can also see you are very wise, so use your skills to punch through negativity and bad people. You will find good people, don't lose hope.

    are there things that interest you? try and do those, live for yourself and enjoy things you like.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I just don't want people to lie to me or hurt me, I want to have real, true friends for once. I don't know if I am awesome, but it's nice that not everyone thinks badly of me. I hope things really do get better, or else I don't know where to go from here.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    What's worst is when I get hurt here...it seems most people I've tried to help have either: concocted stories and lied about everything, so I basically wasted my time trusting them; took their anger out on me and made me feel worse, or left after I helped them to become happier. I don't feel that strong, and sometimes I feel like I never will find anyone who truly understands me. There are things that interest me, but everything is like a temporary distraction anymore, and I want something that can really make me happy and want to enjoy life. I fear that I'll never find anything like that.
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    What can I do for you? Your wish is my command... News Flash! There's no-thing special about turning thirty. It's just one of those milestones that people tend to freak out about. Look at it this way: You've still got forty, fifty, sixty, seventy & so on to look forward to! Your mind is just using the benchmark as a means to trick itself into thinking all of these ill thoughts. But the real truth is this - none of them are true! If any one of them were I most certainly wouldn't have continued this friendship for so long. So there--you're now cured (congratulations!)! And your reward shall be a big bad birthday cake. One of course which, I cannot make (but I know a fast food restaurant who makes astoundingly good ones that assault the taste buds with ice cream). When you get right down to it, you're only one-third of the way to ninety... So you've got lots of time left, W.S. -your mrb!
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    The reason it bothers me is because I've done nothing of importance with my life, and I am worried that I never will. It almost seems pointless for me to carry on to another decade of failure, because that's all I've seen so far in my life. I can't seem to accomplish anything that I want to, or to ever find true happiness.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Witty, I don't think you're a failure. Sometimes we can want to do "big things" in the world and make a big difference somehow. There have been times I thought that if I can't make a huge difference why bother trying at all...Then I realized that if can make any positive difference at all, it's good. So the fact that you're here, trying to reach out to and help people IS making a difference and IS important to the world. The words you say to someone today could suddenly resonate with them or others who read them 10 years from now and save someone from grief or harm.

    Small things add up to bigger things. Each kindness, big or small, that we do for others is actually a huge gift to the world.

    As for specific things you want to accomplish for yourself - Have you made a list of what you want to do, and tried to form a game plan? Are there ways to achieve those goals? What things are roadblocks, and how might you get past the obstacles? If you want to bat ideas around, my PM box is open. :)
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Personally, I think you're awesome, and I'm proud to be able to call you one of my friends. I think you can accomplish the things you want to, just one step at a time. It's not easy, but you're stronger than you realize.

    Just want you to know I care. :hug:
  10. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    You know, Miss Witt... When you look at it, a lot of the truly great movie makers didn't even make their first film until they were about 30 or so, so: you-never-know! Write your screenplay (I'm not saying its super easy; but it's not as difficult as it may seem, you just have to learn the language). Get whatever kind of camera you can get your hands on (the cheaper the better). Find some actors (this can be a challenge). Shoot it guerilla style (no rules / on the fly / forget permits & permission). Edit (this is where it all comes to-gether...& many say that this is the true essence of filmmaking--highly intuitive, I know--but with your cinematic tastes, I have high hopes!). :) See? It's just that simple! --Mr.beeG;)
  11. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hey witty sarcasm. I care and I offer you friendship. Why stay alive? Because you have something to offer this world. You may not know yet, but if you stick around you will find out. :hug: I am always up to making friends. My offer stands if you or anyone else here is interested. Blessings...
  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Sometimes I worry that I haven't made any impact at all, and that upsets me. Most people don't even seem to remember anything about me. I like helping people, but sometimes I encounter people who take advantage of that fact, and I end up being hurt, and that makes me scared to help or trust anyone again. There are things I want to do with my life, but they seem like unattainable goals. I can't think of much that I'm good at, except maybe writing, and I feel like I can't make a career out of it.
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks, you're awesome too. :hug: You must be, to put up with annoying old me :p Sometimes I don't feel strong, but I must be if I've made it this far.
  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    But what if I don't ever make it? I don't know what else to do with my life. I don't even think I'm good enough to get published, let alone make a movie. Sometimes I worry that this is all I'll ever be, which is a nothing, a nobody, and someone that won't be remembered once they're gone.
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks, I could use a few more friends. :) I hope I do have something to offer the world, because it doesn't feel that way right now.
  16. mayday

    mayday New Member

    Well you will never know if you don't try. The only certainty is that you won't make it if you don't try. Don't even worry about being published. If it's something you enjoy doing, then go out and do it. Create whatever you want to create without worrying if it is good enough. That's how the best movies are made.

    Also, look at all the people you have helped through here. If you have helped one person make it through another night, which I'm sure you have, then you have already made a big impact. It's not something to take lightly.
  17. Aether

    Aether Well-Known Member

    One thing you wrote got my attention: "Why the hell do I deserve to get treated lower than dirt?"
    It's simple. You don't. This world doesn't even know what fairness is. Bad people get good things, good people get bad things. There's no such thing as karma.

    As for the ones that hurt you even here... There are always going to be careless people. Everywhere. The important thing is that among all the self-centered people out there there are nice, caring persons that are worth your time and your trust.

    Stay safe.
  18. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, I guess it has always been easier for me to give up if I fail instead of just trying harder. I've always accepted defeat because I've felt that's what my whole life has been about. I do enjoy writing, and creating and all of that, so I'm not too worried about the career part, although it would be a nice bonus.

    I'm glad I have helped people, but sometimes it feels like all I do is help, and not get helped in return. But then again, I don't even know how to start helping myself.
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, you're right, and I don't know why I focus on the bad. It's been that way all my life...because I just have seen the worst of everything. So I guess sometimes that's all I can seem to accept. I just hope I won't always feel this way.
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