I must die to end the pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wastedmylife, Feb 13, 2009.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    fantasys of what my life could have been like are all that is left from 5/2005-8/2005 you'd think I was the happiest person in the world if you met me but I soon destroyed my life after that god damn it I need to die to end the pain or I need to go back to august 2005 to refrain from moving back home

    i must die quickly and painlessly so I dont have to think about it

    I remember my roomate back around 5/05-8/05 the only good period in my life asking me if I ever thought about suicide and I thought he was crazy, sure I thought about it as does everyone but why would anyone kill themselves I had such an appreciation for life but that is lost and gone forever

    i must go back to 8/05 so i dont move back home and i get an apartment, life was so good and I appreciated life I already survived an abusive horrible childhood and gained so much strength and happiness for life but now that is all lost and gone never to come back
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi hun. . i am so sorry for all your pain. :sad:

    i am glad you posted this - it shows there is still something deep inside that wants to stay. ... you deserve to live and to find peace and joy in your life. we may not always have constant ""happiness"" but. . . i believe we can have love and joy and peace - even thru the pain. .. .

    please hold on. please, pm me if you need to - god knows i am up LATE these days- but someone is always around and we care. we do. about YOU.

    love and hugs....xxx
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Things may not be the same as they were back then, but that does not mean you can't turn things around from your current conditions. That means you must be open to change and want it to happen. No excuses.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Wasted,
    You need to let go of the past.. There is no changing it, you should live for today and set yourself small acheiveable goals to help rebuild you self esteem. You already know that the members here are supportive!! Why don't you PM some of us and talk one on one. Maybe we can help shed some light on other alternatives..
    Life really sucks but you have to make the best you can out of what you have..Are you working or on benefits? Maybe going back to school or an occupational school will also help you in building that self esteem. You have to love yourself before you can expect others to love you. At least thats what my therapist always tells me...lol...I don't care about myself but My friends here at the forum love me for who I am...That is comforting in it's own respect..Take Care!!
  5. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    There is no way that you can get back to the past. What has happenned has already happenned and you can't turn back the clock, no matter how you wish for it. This is reality. I dont know what happenned to you after that but I figure, it all went wrong after that. Ok, no point crying over split milk, since it's already spilt right?. Learn from it and move forward with this experience under your belt.

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