I must die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Socialman, Jul 19, 2011.

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  1. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    It's not a want or a maybe, but a must. I must die. There is nothing left for me on this planet. I cannot see myself doing anything, but dying. She's waiting for me. It was my fault she died. I can't provide anything to society. I am a genetically inferior being, and unfit to mate. I am a horrible person inside and out. Things will be so much better with me gone. Why can't people see that?
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Here if you want to talk about what's brought you to this point.
  3. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    Maybe because people look to you through other eyes?
    Why is it you think so negative about yourself?
  4. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    I am not seeing myself through the eyes of other people. I am seeing myself through the people who count. If they think of me this way, then I think of me this way.
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    no you mustn't die if you don't want to.

    why do you think you're a horrible person?
    who's waiting for you and why do you think it's your fault she died ?
    sorry for all the questions...
    maybe talking about it will help
  6. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    1. There was too much estrogen in the womb. So, I am small in the pants, and short. I have asthma and I have adult cystic acne. I've tried proactiv and many other products, but the only way to rid it is usually with a pill. Who knows what else I have since scientists say that the face is window into how healthy someones DNA is. So, I am not an attractive mate. I also wear glasses, and my facial hair grows in as a pencil mustache, no sideburns, and a goatee. So, I'm the exact model of a creeper and a nerd. Unfortunately, my family weren't very supportive with other activities, so I had some nerdy hobbies like watching cartoons and playing video games. I also have a lack of semen, so mating is out of the question. Did I mention I'm ugly, with prominent ears, and cauliflower ear. I can't afford the surgery needed to fix my ears, acne scars, and I cannot even afford contacts. I just shave.

    2. I don't have money and I cannot go to school full time and stay on disability/social security at the same time. So, it's either school and work with the financial aid given to full time students, or bum life with social security and time for therapy I wouldn't get during school and work because I don't have a car.

    3. I can't drive. No one will teach me how to drive. They just won't. They say yes, and then change their minds and tell me to take driving lessons, but I don't have money. EVER. I haven't had money in five months for therapy and acne medication. I've been using my savings for medication, and had to cut the therapy.

    4. My favorite person is dead, and before she died I was treated like the loser I am. I could see in her eyes how she felt about me, and her actions affirmed this. I couldn't even tell her how I felt about her because she would just walk away, and I didn't even want to confess my love. I just wanted to tell her how important she was to me. She was always right. That is how I know what a piece of crap I am. I killed her by not being the person she needed. I let her down, and she fell because of it.

    5. I live with a religious nut, and an overprotective and controlling family. They are very abusive, and I am abusive to them because of it.

    6. I tried finding someone to talk to in real life, but they all said they were too busy to listen to whining. I was mean to the one person who listened because I called her out on some things. I was extremely rude, and that confirms how bad of a person I am next to the other abuse.

    7. I've read the career guides and cannot find anything. I have ideas, but I cannot find something definite. I'm tired of living like this. I don't have money for the hobbies I would like to try to improve me, and I don't have the motivation. I don't have a purpose.

    Lesson = I must die.
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