I must end it soon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by amylou, Oct 5, 2006.

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  1. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    I must end it soon .
    I seriously dont think I can take anymore.
    Years of pain building up has led to my new way of being.
    I act normal so noone twigs but Im planning my end
  2. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    I was that way too. I was so afraid of anyone seeing my despair that I kept it to myself. Why do we do it? I'm not really sure. I know that my parents response to despair (in other words, my dissatisfaction with anything at all) is always anger.

    But when I came out with it, I was met with understanding and (a little) support too. Maybe because they treated it like it had no cause other than the random fucked-up'd-ness of my brain. To this day, my family is too proud to talk about causes (REAL causes) of unhappiness. For example, I told everyone that my biggest problem was loneliness, and I am still alone now, even though I have my pills.

    So now I'm on medication, and I like to credit it with changing me, but it only does so much, and often I wonder if it does anything at all.

    But stay with us Amy. I am not leaving. You don't want to leave the rest of us do you?
  3. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    I thought of dying today
    Gazing down to the train track below
    So shiny and black.

    I heard the tracks calling me to join them below.
    I heard them say if you want to jump
    Then jump go on just jump.

    I though I'd chuck myself away
    Thought I'd fall below
    To the train tracks underneath.

    I thought it through and through.
    With nothing else left to do
    I let the train tracks call me below.

    I ve sufferd enough in this evil world
    Theres to much evil that lurks.
    The world is a sain place for some.
    It wasnt for me
    I lived a life full of pain.

    Things got to much
    So I listened to the tracks below me
    I knew it made sense for me.

    I took the plunge
    And I jumped down to the tracks below me
    As I fall
    I will die below

    Things are meant for some
    And this was meant for me
    The train tracks told me so
  4. Bipolar2andu

    Bipolar2andu Guest

    Sometimes I will take a walk near the lake and stand on rail and look down at the water rushing in full force....I start to think in my mind "I'm here alone...noone wouldn't miss me....the pain and suffering in my life would end with just one quick leap into the water. Who would care? The people who caused me so much pain? My family who has left me for dead? The system that dosen't even want to reach out and show me a new way in life?"

    I think of many ways just letting myself go as quickly as possible....I know that the day will come and I'll never have to live with such pain again.
  5. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    Lifes full of pain which ever way you turn
  6. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Mind if I sit here with you?..... I'm feeling much like you.

    Sometimes I wish I could leave and become a Monk in the mountains of Tibet. But then I realize I'd still have all the painful memories. the lonliness. The nightmares. The endless thoughts of despair. The only way to get rid of it is to be in a permenant sleep. The pills don't work anymore. But like Xian said. Don't leave us. We need to stick together, if nothing else to continue our pity party together.
  7. life

    life Well-Known Member

    i am feeling excatly the same way u guys do...Whıle ı am sleepıng ı feel so happy and then ı get up the pain starts....İ smoke 2 packs of cıgarettes a day to die of cancer!!!!Living is sufferıng !!!..suffering is Living...
  8. Amylou I feel your pain. I want to quit it all. I guess I'm ultimately scared of what would happen to my family. The few people that still love me don't deserve to see me go by my own choosing. I feel trapped.
  9. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way I no id hurt those i leave behind.But I just cant take anymore. What the hell am I supposed to do.

    On the inside Im crying
    On the outside im dying
  10. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Just believe you can do it, and take all the little steps to get thru everything, and you can get there. I believe in you, take care x
  11. NoMotiv

    NoMotiv Active Member

    Beautiful. Did you write this?
  12. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    yes I wrote the poem and aload more poems I have them published on the internet on another web site
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