I must say I'm FURIOUS!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by betteroffunknown, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I don't even know where to begin other than to say this doesnt involve anyone here at the forum. I'm simply sharing my disgust with crap.

    For months Ive been looking forward to volunteering at a homeless shelter. I mean really looking forward to it. I was invited to the orientation Sat. I went, and they shared they needed a spot filled that night. I thought sure what the heck. I didnt really have anything specific planned. So I sat outside in the cold weather waiting for 2.5hrs til the shift began. I utilize the bus now so it would of involved too much time to go all the way back home. I arrived and started early. Had a blast helping. During the course of the shift I had come across the guy who stalked me a few yrs back. Ok. I gracefully nodded hi to the guy. All was forgiven. Turns out he's mad at me. Now due to his initial actions I'm paying the price cuz I'm not welcome to volunteer there now. I was ok with it. I wasnt ok with their reason, my safety. How about people let me decide this for myself? I wasnt worried. I can stand up for myself! When are people going to stop telling me what's in my best interest? Is it their own fear from which they speak? I think it is. I'm sick of being treated like Im an idiot and a child! I'm furious!!
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    That's pretty rotten. Can you take it up with the management? I agree you should be the one to decide. Did you have a restraining order against the guy that needs to be rescinded?
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I get where you are coming from.

    But it's an organization at the end of the day, that's specifically catered to people whom are homeless. Im assuming this person was using the facilities before you started volunteering, so they're kind of stuck with the dilemma of either removing him to protect their volunteers, or removing you to protect you without interfering with his care.
    I really do get how frustrating it is, id be pissed off just the same, but i can see where they are coming from. It's an organization setup to help people. So he has to be their primary concern, and considering it was only your first voluntary night, They're sticking to their mandate instead of looking at it from your point of view. They cant really have both of you in the same area, he's at a desperate place, he's stalked you before. You're helping desperate people, he might start to see your compassion and feed off of it, fueling those already laid in stalking issues, thus bringing to life a nullified situation. Even in his own head your very presence could be fuel for his fantasy and distorted justifications that led him to stalk you in the first place. I doubt that though, but i think constantly being around him or him knowing you may be working there is not healthy for him, and ultimately you.
    It's really a matter of who should be forced to leave the premises. You or him, because he is, or was mentally unstable. Now he is desperate and in need of support. You've acknowledged that you can and also may have moved past his stalking. So.. from their point of view I can see their point.
    It's either keep you on and barr him from coming there, or ask you to leave on the premise that you are there to help people, and that unfortunatly you being there with him is a potential accident waiting to happen. It might not happen, but because of the fragile state of his life and those in the center, they have to be ontop of things like this.

    I donno... I know it reads like an asshole pushing you aside, and you really are the victim overall...
    I dont know how to put it. If something did crack off, the whole managing structure would be help accountable for keeping you two together. It's a business responsibility aswell as a personal well being responsibility for both of you.

    Ug... leaves you with the short end of the stick doesnt it.
  4. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your replies. No, I never had to end up getting a restraining order. He stopped before it came to this for which I respect about him. I get where they're coming from. For once I'd like someone to consider my point of view. This is the only known avenue I can use to tell him I forgive him, and that while I didnt mind being friendly/friend with him the being everywhere I was, calling & randomly and always unexpectedly showing up at my place frequently needed to stop. He had no friends. Im thinking he was just overly excited to have someone he could talk to. I expressed this and it meant nothing. Im not mad at the guy hes mad at me. None the less he still hasnt bothered me. What does this say to you? It speaks volumes to me, in a good way. Im sick of being underminded and all the politics involved. Im still furious.
  5. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I get what you are saying, but if he's at a homeless shelter, he's already going through some pretty intense situations in his life at the moment. Which in effect puts alot of strain on who he is. If he is alone, he is going to get a reminder of that rejection alot when he sees you, especially at a place that may be a very sensitive place for him to go to.

    For you and him, He may be making the best of it, or he may be enduring it, you really can't tell what he might spiral into. Just the same I guess they really can't say he will spiral out and become hostile or start stalking again.

    It really boils down to that he is in a fragile part of his life, he grew attached to you, and went too far, but he didn't realize he was or didnt really let himself see it. When you had to tell him it was enough, I suppose he's taking offense to it, either he's angry at you or himself, or just angry again to be alone. Let alone an infinite other number of things that could be incorporated into that from his life.

    It's a sticky situation.. It's hard to know what's best for him, and aswell as treating you fairly. But again, he has priority unfortunately, despite your past "relationship" and that you were the victim in it. Though, if he is ever going to recover, he needs to have as stable an environment as possible. I think you being there will be an extra issue for him to have to deal with..

    Are there any other homeless centers you can apply to volunteer at? There must be loads..

    Im just saying.. If it's to help people, go somewhere else :) It's not worth the issues in my opinon, unless you care about this person enough. But please realize, that even care can be extremely dangerous in a focused direction if the person who needs "care" isn't caring about themselves. They just latch, and eventually will express their frustration on what they latch onto, and if they are unable to cope with their reality, it can "distort" their perception on reality and potentially make them act out irrationally.
    Or he could simply not give a shit about any of this now :) It's just... how do you know? So.. how can the institution know really :S. Proving it is a dangerous game, I dont know him, but it may not be in his best interests to have to go down that road.

    He might not have done anything now, but there's always the next wave of feelings. Idk.. I get your frustration as best as I can :(
  6. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thank you again for your reply. Im just in a situation more precarious than Ive made aware. This is just the icing on the cake for me. Ive recently had to give notice at my job that Ive had for the last 6yrs. It's a matter of the new guy forcing those there before him out so he can bring new people in. He cut me down to 0hrs last week, this week, and for my final week. Ive busted my butt at this company, and to be treated so disrespectfully also infuriates me. Then there's the fact that I will have trouble getting a job Id like to consider because now Im on probation for a crime I honestly didnt know I was comitting. I was just as much a victim as the victim themself. The perpetrator in this case died suicide by cop (it was ruled) just shortly after my court proceedings began so there's no going after him. Every time I turn around I feel I have no choices. Im sick of paying for everyone elses crap they pull on me. To answer your question about shelters. This is the only one I can get to and within my county. I have a few other volunteer comittments for which Im grateful for, but they dont occupy near enough of my time. Too much time for me is not healthy/good for me. Ive wanted to talk to this stalker guy to resolve things, but time to accept this will never happen. Just so sick n tired of payin for others actions. I feel like, awh who cares anyways.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thats horrible, I'm sorry that happened to you , its unfair, you should be allowed to volunteer there if you wish unless this person has a history of violence.
  8. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thank you inmemoryofyou. The guy was never violent, thankfully. I don't need to push him, but I would like to address this with him. Don't see it happening anytime soon though. Im going to let this go. It cant be said I didnt try. A little while ago I got a few emails out to some good friends of mine and told them if they know anyone who'd like or need some help with yard work, cleaning, basic automotive, or cooking to please let me know. I'd be glad to help no charge. Ive also made myself avaliable to help some senior citizens. Some of my friends are pretty connected with needs within the community. Im still recovering, but Ive begun to settle down. I still have some community gardens Im working in, and have a comittment at the mental health center. There's no better feeling for me than to be able to serve within the community. Oh, there is a homeless outreach one morning a week that serves them a great breakfast. Ive never seen that guy associated with that so I'll continue to serve them there. Thanks for bearing with me.