I want to get fucked up beyond living, drink myself into a coma, drown myself in cheap whiskey, I want alcohol poisoning again in the worst way. Alcohol has always been a part of my life, always will be. I live in a small town, I applied for a job, has blood in my piss test. Raised a few eyebrows. Had a billion tests done on me, turns out the drink is rotting me from the inside. My liver is gone, kidneys dont work, my blood is so thin my heart is over exhausted trying to get it everywhere it needs to go. I've been put on the medical list at the bar and liquer store, I cant be sold to. And nobody will buy for me, they told me they dont want that shit coming back on them when I die...not because they care about me, they just dont want the blame. When I was drinking I didnt care, I would just drink my drink and only care about my drink. All the wrong going on around me, in me, because of me. I didnt care. As long as I had a drink in my hand nothing could get me down. Because the drink was always there to get me up. The feelings I would drink away are always present, I have nothing to drown them out with. The drink was my medication, and it worked. I need a drink, so bad.